Excelle

I think too many women confuse "rude" with "setting boundaries". There is nothing wrong whatsoever with setting boundaries in the workplace. I have seen far too often that women in my office will take whatever task is thrown at them in an effort to avoid being cast as "not a team player", then struggle to get everything done - and end up producing very poor quality as a result. There is nothing wrong with saying "When do you need this by...". If they won't give you a time frame say "I can deliver this to you by ____, will that work?" If they need it earlier, be honest... "I have a report due for Joe that I am working on right now. Let me talk to Joe and see if his deadline is flexible." This shows that you are willing to assist, but that you honor your commitments. It is a huge mistake - in my experience - to allow others to control your time.

In a few cases, being nice can mean that co-workers take advantage of you, and after awhile can walk all over you, leaving you doing the majority of the work, and the team getting the credit.

I have seen personally that being overly nice can cause one to think of you as weak and flakey. Being a nice person myself I have often times had to become stricter inorder to be respected among others.

I believe, being too nice sometimes make other people think you are weak. But there are time when you don't say anything that you can learn more by just watching people reaction. Then when everything calms down you have notice things that no one else had notice and now the other people are wonder why you are smiling. Being nice it not taking the easy way out, it is the smart way.

Hi Insanitek - I don't know the details but I'm wondering if you had any discussion with your boss before saying no? I'm sure you had valid reasons for refusing the assignment, but you also mention being rude which sometimes makes the other person unwilling to back down, especially if they are the boss.

I was driving down the highway one morning stuck in rush hour traffic and found myself staring at a bumper sticker plastered on the back of the car in front of me -- it said "Nice People Bite". Now, I don't really know what the intent of that sticker really was -- but it made me laugh out loud. I've noticed that people in general tend to misunderstand what "nice" actually involves. Some folks view a nice person as weak -- someone you can walk all over. As a "nice" person, I know I choose with full awareness and deliberation to be -- as consciously fairminded, truthful, courageous, and generous as I can manage. I believe it takes more fortitude, strength of character and wisdom to be "nice" and if you lie, steal, trick or manipulate, in my mind you've taken the easy way out. So it's funny to me when someone thinks because I'm nice, I'm a pushover. You do not want to cross a "nice" person, they are full of integrity and courage and strength -- they will do the right thing, always. Now -- being afraid to confront is a different issue. And I think women especially have obstacles that might prevent them from feeling free to confront an issue or individual in the workplace. What I've learned is that you must find the fortitude to confront a thing the moment it happens or the individual responsible for causing the issue walks away feeling like you've given them permission to behave in that manner moving forward; something we never want. Nice in the workplace has many benefits -- people will move mountains on your behalf when they know with certainty that you are a "stand-up" guy.

I agree that being rude or overly good is not an option