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Office Bullies
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Kerrie Halmi
Kerrie Halmi of Halmi Performance Consulting specializes in increasing women’s success in business through speaking, coaching and facilitation. Kerrie has over fifteen years of experience in the Human Resources field with such clients as eBay, Bank of America and Kaiser. She received her MBA from the University of Michigan and is certified in coaching with Corporate Coach University International.
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Kerrie Halmi | Excelle
How many of you have had to deal with a bully in the workplace? Someone who is verbally abusive, demoralizing, screams and rants or belittles others… I have. The bad news is they still exist out there. The good news is people are starting to notice and realize the negative impact they have on the bottom line.
This topic is of specific interest to women because women are most likely to be the victims, comprising 80% of bullying victims. And this might be more suprising: 58% of workplace bullies are women.
Studies show that workplaces that tolerate bullying have higher turnover, less job satisfaction and higher burn-out. There are other costs that are less easy to quantify, but have a significant impact—when people stop giving ideas and contributing, there is significant lost opportunity. I had a client who would not speak up at staff meetings. When I probed it further, it stemmed back to an incident 10 years ago in which her female boss publicly humiliated her for suggesting something at a meeting.
What can you do if you are dealing with bullies? First of all, try to avoid the situation in the first place. When you’re looking at a potential employer, how do people treat each other? I ignored a big red flag when interviewing for a job once—I asked an interviewer what they would change about the company. She immediately said the head of the department (my future boss) mistreated people. I chose to ignore the red flag, because I wanted the job. Big mistake! I endured bullying for too long before finally getting out.
Getting out is the final, but sometimes only healthy strategy to take. If you have had enough and the bullying is taking a toll on your confidence and/or health, get out. When I left, it was a huge relief and my only regret was not having left earlier. This is particularly the case when the bully is your boss.
However, before leaving right away, see if you can do something. Don’t stand for the behavior—try to address it with the person. Sometimes that can be hard in the moment, so take some time to script a response that you can say to them when you are less upset. An example could be, “I know that I didn’t handle the Smith case as well as I could have and I’d like to address ways I could do better. However, the impact of your comments at the meeting was not motivating. Could you please address those issues in private next time?”
If things don’t improve, try going to your Human Resources department. Definitely document what is going on.
As a leader, make sure that you are not tolerating any bullying behavior. It doesn’t matter how brilliantly technical people are if they are bullying others. I have had many instances of clients thinking that they can’t “afford” to lose someone’s technical expertise in spite of their bullying behavior. When they finally did fire them, they had the same response I had when I quit: "Why didn’t I do this earlier?”
If you don’t display a zero-tolerance behavior toward bullying, it can have a big impact on your organization. Become a “no bullies allowed” advocate today!
MsLang107
3 months ago
36 comments
58% of workplace bullies are women ---- This totally sucks!!!
I hate it when women don't support each other. Maybe this is why we don't have or ever had a female president?? My point is: SUPPORT ONE ANOTHER!!
wjndesigns
9 months ago
5052 comments
I haven't been in the work place in years and but am working with a client who is working in a position where yelling and screaming is a normal way of communication at her workplace. I found this disturbing as I don't tolerate such behavior and would have walked off the job. She's in a place where she learning something new and needs to stay for at least a year or she has to reimburse the company lots of bucks for relocation, but is it worth it to be in such a toxic workplace day in and day out?
wvgal_looking4wrk
about 1 year ago
8 comments
Bad Girls work better in a codependent invironment:
I worked for an insurance company where their state secretary and I shared an office.
The first thing out of her mouth she related to me was the former lady in my position thought she was the queen of the office. She voiced resentments about her and personal information I certainly did not need to know. I passed it off as just a personal thing between the two of them. After being there for a small amount of time I noticed she went way beyond her job description to assist the state manager with everything in his job title and edging also across the sales and coordinators responsibilities. She was constantly looking for any lack luster performance in the sales team then conveying this speck of something to the state manager, who seemed to accept this behavior because he was new to his position, and leaned on her quite heavily for correct procedure. Soon she was even setting and reminding him of docters appointments, and other personal responsibilities. When she did not get her way, which wasn't very often the office enviroment was intolerable. I was given 2 years of the silent treatment for not chosing the day she wanted me to work on a project with her, and she let me know in no uncertain terms that she was done working with me. She refused help in any of the simple questions I did need to ask her after that because she lost control of this decision. She had worked with the former coordinator, and made her into a dependent person as well, by functioning as her right arm, then stabbing her in the back when she felt she had been slighted in any way from recognition, to you name it.
I quit the job because besides the silent treatment from this out of control office manager, who seem to enjoy belittling a "person of the month" she would pick in sales or other, I also had a shadowing former coordinator who was given a national title but remained on the board to advise on how she wanted her former position ran, and kept in check. So two women who wanted control of my job, and a spineless dependent state manager who caved in at either of their whims. After all you certainly don't want to disappoint an overly efficient secretary or a National titled co worker who also influences the board and higher ups. Great case for sueing for harassment, but after working over two years with this never knowing when I would have a decent day at work I quit so I wounldn't need to take the comapy to court.
Next time I think I will only work with men in higher positions, or else ask plenty more questions. When I see a red flag or two go up, I'll check the winds before I sail into the job. I offered lots of new ideas and creativity to the program. Too bad my greatest ideas went out with me when I closed the door because of this female bully abuse.
What happened and continued to happen after I left told the story.
After the boss was relocated from his position, the secretary scampered somewhere else to fling more abuse to an unsuspecting new employer.She was smart enough to know the new boss who was coming into her office was seasoned, and did not need her to the point he would let her continue bullying, getting total charge of the office, then abusing her authority.
Research also shows she had been let go from her former position before working the insurance job in my office due to trying to expose people for things they truly hadn't done and for causing discourse and bad office relations with clients. What goes around comes around later. Wonder how she doing now?
almorado
about 1 year ago
4 comments
I WORKED AT A COMPANY WHERE THE OFFICE MANAGER WAS NICE ONE MINUTE- MEAN THE NEXT. IT SEEMED AS IF SHE WAS MEAN WITH ME MORE THAN THE OTHERS. I UNDERSTAND SHE NEED TO BE FIRM BUT SHE WOULD MAKE RUDE AND DEMEANING COMMENTS WHEN SHE CORRECTED YOU. NEEDLESS TO SAY SHE WAS NICE TO ME WHEN I GAVE MY 2 WEEKS! WE ARE NOW MORE FRIENDLY WHEN WE SEE EACH OTHER, BUT I WAS GLAD TO BE OUT FROM UNDER HER!
LindaG
about 1 year ago
110 comments
Thanks for an excellent article. The issue of bullying and bad behavior in the workplace is on the rise. With the current economic problems many people are already frustrated and stressed when the get to the office. They lash out at their co-workers. You make some excellent points on how to handle bullying behavior. I made some additional recommendations for managers in my blog post here: http://www.careershock.com/create-a-release-valve-for-desk-rage/
Insanitek
about 1 year ago
296 comments
Thank you! I'm sure this will be helpful for a lot of people. My own way of dealing with it is much different. When I was younger, I was the smallest girl in the school. I was also a fighter. I was in martial arts for many, many years with instilled me with confidence to deal with people. I rarely fought people, but the fact that I knew I could and win made their insults roll off me. Plus, it allowed me to stand up to them and know that they could lose in a different way. Now, at work, when someone insults me I look them straight in the eye and call them on it. I do not back down. I do not give in. I usually make them cower in fear because I'm not afraid of their ways.