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Unlearn Girly Behaviors & Become a Power Communicator
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There is no more important skill in attaining success—personal and professional—than your ability to communicate effectively. Yet women often sabotage themselves through their communication skills. Differences in how men and women communicate are rooted in social conditioning. Only by understanding the impact of this social conditioning and how it translates into the workplace can we begin to unlearn “girlish” behaviors and become power communicators.
Certain types of behavior have been expected of women since time began. For “little ladies,” arguing, cursing and displays of anger have been taboo. Most little girls were—and many still are—raised to be polite, cooperative and, by and large, docile. Historically, women were encouraged to speak softly, always say please and thank you, and smile a lot. It’s no wonder that as we grew up, learning to express ourselves forcefully became a real challenge.
This gender differentiation begins practically at birth. Social psychologist Jeffrey Rubin and his associates have found that first-time fathers use different adjectives to describe their newborns, depending on whether the infant is a boy or a girl. Day-old sons are “firm,” “strong,” and “alert.” Daughters are “soft” and “delicate.”
When mothers were observed with their infants, they frequently gave sons a train to play with and handed their daughters a doll. And these were mothers who felt they were free of gender differentiation.
In the toddler stage, boys are encouraged to have rough-and-tumble interaction, while daughters’ parents place far more emphasis on talking. Gender-specific behavior is reinforced by grade-school textbooks, children’s cartoons, and the mass media.
With this early social conditioning, it’s no wonder that boys and girls emerge with very different self-concepts. These differences surface not just in the way they play, but in the way they communicate, and, later in life, in the way they conduct professional interactions.
It’s no secret that boys grow up preferring to play outdoors in large groups that are structured hierarchically—think tag, baseball, football. Their groups usually have a leader and their games almost always have winners and losers. Boys are encouraged to boast about their skills and to argue about who’s best at what.
MsLang107
3 months ago
36 comments
Good job on girly behaviors !!
Please provide more examples on how to "Become a Power Communicator."
bethanierose
9 months ago
680 comments
This article highlighted some very good points, but did nothing in the way of offering solutions, as the title suggested. Maybe it should be changed to, "Observed differences between men and women - from nursery to office".
PurpleIris
10 months ago
226 comments
Interesting article... I should say, interesting start. This piece builds and raises good points, but now what do we do about this communication differentiation?
DinWI
10 months ago
10 comments
"I agree with LizaTulip. Nice bait in the title, but little substance in the article. How about things that seem to be rampant in some female communication?
Perhaps a mention of the following could have been included (among other points, certainly):
*Strong (sometimes lower, if needed) vocal tone and clarity (enunciation)
*Lose the qualifiers and passive verbs. *Make a statement audibly a STATEMENT (i.e. do NOT raise the tone at the end of a statement - it sounds like a question, makes you sound like you don't know what you're talking about, and triggers a response in the listener that you may only be looking for affirmation.) This one is a personal pet peeve of mine!!
*Eye contact! - Make some! And pay attention to how often you look away or down.
*Make sure you have a decent hand shake - hand temperature sometimes cannot be controlled if you have circulation issues - but the "limp fish" is a turn-off no matter what the temp! Firm it up and look at the other person.
*Recognize faults and mistakes, but stop being overly-apologetic. A realistic understanding that mistakes will occur is the beginning of getting past a foible, and moving on to the correction.
*Own your place -- Often a subordinate will transmit a submissive vibe even when it's not necessary. You have a job to do. If you need to be somewhere to address something important - own your space without apologies. Be civil and polite, but stop projecting the assumption that you are interrupting more important matters unless you know you really are.
*Compliment when you see something good, and critique only when called for - directly to the person. Stop cutting down co-workers on the side. "Catty" behavior serves no purpose, and increases the bad stereotype of the female employee.
All of these things apply to men too, but since the article was addressing women - These are my top issues. I was looking for some additional information from this article - something new, maybe.
Good ethics, and confident behavior is a must for everyone to learn. When these become more natural, the workplace will start to see the additional factors women bring to the table, and businesses will feel the impact - in a good way!!"
Account Removed
10 months ago
Hmm...read through the entire article to arrive at the last paragraph the sums up pretty much nothing. Just what girly behaviors need to be unlearned? "The key to success lies not only in recognizing and understanding the difference between the two styles of communication..." Okay, how does one do this?
tpeercy
10 months ago
40 comments
Growing up, I was the only girl. So when I played outside with my brothers, my mom would tell me "When you play with the boys, you take it like the boys- no crying...". I think that those words have helped my acclimate to the business world with more ease, compared to female co-workers.
I am not sure if my mom was perparing me knowingly for the world of business or if she just didn't want to hear me cry about getting hurt.. but I find myself tell my daughter the samething.
Account Removed
10 months ago
What an excellent and timely article. If everyone understood the origin of gender communication tendencies as they are so aptly described here, I believe it could help women shed the guilt and shame of communicating more assertively. I like the idea of easing into a stronger communication style while still remaining steadfastly true to my feminine self. In that way we could gently mold the communication landscape to include our feminine communication styles without sacrificing honesty or integrity in our business dealings.