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Rethink Forgiveness! 6 Important Benefits of Forgiving
Featured Author:
Crystal Hernandez
Crystal Hernandez is a marriage and family therapist with over 16 years in the behavioral health field, with a special interest in women’s issues. The founder of Relating Today, a relational education and coaching business, Crystal is a trained instructor in the Couple Communication Program, which teaches skills of talking, listening, and resolving conflicts. She writes about managing life, marriage, relationships, and — yes — work.
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Crystal Hernandez | Excelle
January 16, 2009
More often than not clients wanting to improve their relationship skills at some point had to realize the importance of personal and interpersonal forgiveness to their well-being and overall happiness. The truth is that all of us have transgressed or acted in a way that brought about a negative impact on our self or someone else. So from this perspective, none of us is without the need for forgiveness, and each of us will encounter the opportunity to grant forgiveness. With that in mind, here are some important benefits associated with practicing forgiveness.
1. Good physical health. If you aren’t aware, there are numerous studies on the positive impact forgiveness has on your physical health. Some of these include lower blood pressure, a healthy heart rate, and a stronger immune system.
2. Avoid negative, nonproductive thought cycle. Unforgiveness often triggers a ruthless cycle of negative thoughts and anger. Forgiveness keeps your ability to experience other emotions commonly associated with being offended and hurt unblocked.
3. Great energy and awareness. It takes a lot of energy away from you to hold a grudge, and having to be vigilant of someone else’s behavior diminishes your ability to be alert and aware.
4. Protect your freedom and ability to trust. Unforgiveness makes you the victim and keeps you a victim of a wrong. Forgiving keeps you free and able to trust. This is essential for relating well. See number five below.
5. Avoid excess baggage in your relationships. If you’ve ever dated someone with unresolved issues from a previous relationship you know the problems encountered in trying to build a relationship with people like this. It’s tough! Relating well means taking care of issues as they arise. Unforgiveness prevents you from accomplishing this important work.
6. Encourages your growth and development. The amazing outcome of forgiveness is the impact it can have on your personal growth as a person. It takes work to successfully resolve a situation. It stretches you as you are tested in your core beliefs and attitudes.
Studies with victims of crimes have shown that focusing on the benefits of forgiving for themselves helped them to actually forgive their offenders. So, consider the benefits of forgiving to your health and wellbeing now and in the future—and make an effort to work through issues that you have not forgiven!
jmlpark
9 months ago
2 comments
I may be verbalizing in my own words things that have been touched on, but forgiving does not mean that there are no consequences to an action. You've heard "let's forgive and forget" but notice that forgiving does not equal to forget. Forgiving means to heal your own hurt of the damage the other person has done to you; to accept that this action has been done, and to move on. (When I say accepting, it does not mean condoning - it means an acknowledgement of the event.) Thus forgiving is to release yourself from the power that other person has on you - because by holding on to the hurt, it means that you are allowing that person's actions to affect your own.
In conclusion - I agree that forgivness is hard but, it is a neccessity.
*A great movie to watch about anger and forgivness is "Diary of a Mad Black Woman".
Tessa
9 months ago
2 comments
To some degree I too believe to forgive is not necessarily healthy. I forgave my sister time and again for the way she treated me and things she did. Once I decided no more and for two years I had nothing to do with her but then by the prodding of my family I let her back in and forgave once again boy was that a mistake I am now broken and am trying to pull myself back together after her latest harmful and explosive actions towards me not only did they harm me but also my husband and now no one in my family will ever ever ask me to forgive her again. I cannot even comprehend what she did to me - she took so much from me...this is true and solid information (my therapist would confirm) I am correct in what I am saying and posting here. I have been kicked in the teeth (my therapists words). I have to protect myself from this and never will I let it happen again!!! It is difficult when so many people and organizations say you must forgive. They need to add that it may be necessary to never forget or let that person into your safe zone again, family or not. When it is put out there "forgive, forgive, you must forgive" it is difficult for many to separate or even understand that to forgive is not the same as ok I'll let you back in so you can do it again. I hope this help someone out there and they realize that they can protect themselves if they feel they should and don't let others tell you otherwise."
ninaeve
9 months ago
172 comments
this was extremely helpful. It is so hard to forgive someone when they really really hurt you. I know I should so I don't grow bitter as I get older but it is easier said then done. I will try.
PurpleIris
9 months ago
226 comments
I think this is a wonderful article, and I've had to do some major forgiving in my life. Sometimes I still have to curb an angry thought and remind myself that they, and myself, are forgiven. The Buddha has said that "anger and unforgiveness are like holding onto a hot coal with the intention of throwing it at someone; you are the one getting burned." After my ex left me for another woman I talked with my university chaplain about the issue often and asked him if I ever needed to confront them about what they did and he said that forgiveness does not need to take place tangibly between two people; it can take place in the heart, and needs to, especially if it never takes place in "real life." I think this article is wonderful, helpful, and very applicable because as the author Crystal said, we all have had transgressions.
DianaW
9 months ago
208 comments
I do not agree. To me forgiving is allowing a wrong to go without regard or repercussions. This can be damaging in itself. Forgiving also says that you are ok with what happened. This is damaging. I don't believe in holding a grudge but if someone does something you do not agree with then saying it's ok I forgive is allowing them the transgression and does not repair the wrong. Not only that, but who here truly "forgives" when they say it? I think many try to forgive but truly deep down they still have issues with that person. Personally, I think for the most part forgiveness is a farce, much like going to confession. Wipe that slate clean. No...we must grow from issues that effect us and forgiving is not conducive to growing in my opinion. Forgiving is not resolving anything except burying a problem so one doesn't have to truly deal with it.
Now, working issues out and moving forward is another story but it is not forgiving.
Jukis
9 months ago
2 comments
everything is correct, but sometimes it takes time to forgive sincerely your heart
rosalia
9 months ago
240 comments
Yes forgiveness is essential to your overall being. I agree.
Account Removed
9 months ago
well put and true