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How to Have a Strong, Vibrant and Lasting Relationship

How to Have a Strong, Vibrant and Lasting Relationship

Dr. Sue Johnson | DivineCaroline

February 05, 2009

So love is illogical, random, and mysterious, yes? Not any more. We have cracked the code. In the last few years, social scientists and therapists who practice emotionally focused therapy (or EFT) have made a breakthrough. Now, at the beginning of the twenty-first century, we have a map to this passion, this fever that has baffled poets and lovers all through human history.

Here is some of what we know:


1. We are born to need each other. The human brain is wired for close connection with a few irreplaceable others. Accepting your need for this special kind of emotional connection is not a sign of weakness, but maturity and strength.

So don’t feel ashamed of this need for a safe loving bond.

2. In love relationships emotional hurt is a mixture of anger, sadness but most of all, fear. Fear of being abandoned, and rejected. This hurt registers in the same part of our brain as physical hurt. It is too hard to push these feelings aside or ignore them. The first step to dealing with injuries in love is to pinpoint the feeling and then to send clear messages about this hurt to the one you love

So don’t just “ignore hurts” with the idea that they will up and go away.

3. The strongest among us are those who can reach for others. Love is the best survival strategy of all. We all long for a safe haven love relationship. Self-sufficiency is just another word for loneliness.

So risk reaching out and fighting for this safe haven. It is the best investment you’ll ever make.

4. Relationships can survive partners being very different. Even if you think you are from different planets it’s okay. The one thing love can’t survive is constant emotional disconnection. Conflict is often less dangerous for your love than distance.

So after a fight, put it right. Repair it, heal the rift between you.

Continue reading on the next page

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    sandra32

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    18 comments

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    3 months ago

    2 comments

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  • Img_4580_max50

    relationshipdj

    over 1 year ago

    2 comments

    I used to say that I wouldn't date someone that has different area code with me then my girl had to move away for school. I am actually finding long distance relationship work for us. We were boyfriend/girlfriend before she left now we are engaged to be married
    One key important thing I see that help in our long distance relationship is completely supporting one another. The biggest thing is to be going through something while you are away and your partner is not backing you up. We find it so difficult nowadays for people believe in long distance or difficult for others to cope with it since they don’t know what to do. We even started our own site as part of our way to cope with relationship.
    We are now engaged to be married at the end of this year. It has not been a walk in the park however we made it work.
    http://www.relationshipdj.com/our-relationship-story-long-distance-relationship-story/

  • Photo_user_blank_big

    JennySuperstar

    over 3 years ago

    2 comments

    I think that blow jobs are the most important thing when it comes to keeping a guy. seriously! ive just read jacks blowjob lessons (here's a link: http://www.jacksblowjoblessons.com/ ) and i my husband fell in love with me like that again

  • Hpim1902_max50

    kbtordai

    almost 5 years ago

    1556 comments

    I have the best partner on the planet, but this article was very informative and we do have to work a little harder on communication, but we are both pretty mature emotionally and will talk as needed!

  • Photo_user_blank_big

    Account Removed

    about 5 years ago

    I am definately following this in my new relationship.

  • 4x5hermandez_016_max50

    ChrisMar

    about 5 years ago

    184 comments

    So many terrific pointers in this one article!

  • Photo_user_blank_big

    rtdl9353

    about 5 years ago

    18 comments

    I like number 9 keep the passion

  • Danielasmall_max50

    Daniela

    about 5 years ago

    1478 comments

    #5 is so key to keep in mind.

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