Print

Your Life >> Browse Articles >> Health + Wellness

Your Life >> Browse Articles >> Feminism and Women's Issues

Your Life >> Browse Articles >> Sex + Relationships

+18

Dump Your Toxic Friends and Radioactive Relationships

Dump Your Toxic Friends and Radioactive Relationships

Photo courtesy of Creative Commons

Kelly Rudolph | Excelle

April 08, 2009

Are you tired of that certain friend dumping her toxic emotional waste on you? Do you ever notice how happy she is once she gets it all out and how lousy you feel afterward? She’s usually ready to go have fun in a few minutes while you feel like a you just got hit by a truck.

Do you realize attackers (by the way, this “friend” is one) look for weak body language when selecting victims, and the weakness you feel after the dump projects its self in exactly that — weak body language?

That means being the dumping ground is putting you in greater danger of being attacked physically by a mugger, rapist, bully, etc. Do you get the feeling this isn’t you being nice but actually detrimental to your health and safety? Good. Here’s the remedy.

Step 1: Make a list with these categories

1. Could count on in an emergency

2. Fun but not dependable

3. Obligation friend

4. Toxic (waste of my time, energy and self-esteem)

Now, realize your true friends, #1, are the people you could count on to come over in the middle of the night if you’re scared or sick, sit with you in a serious doctor’s visit, come to the funeral of a family member, cheer you up after a devastating breakup or help you re-frame your negative situations into personal growth opportunities. We have very few of these friends and some of us don’t have any…yet.

The #2 friend is an acquaintance, not a friend. The only true friend is #1. But these people are fun to hang with and shop with and do girl stuff with. They just wouldn’t come to mind if something serious is going on because you don’t know them well enough or you know they would conveniently have other plans.

The obligation friend is someone you have to do things with because she is connected to all of your other friends, co-workers or your family. This is someone you might team up with if you’re both going to the same event and don’t want to sit alone. Or the last person you call if you’re bored and #1 and #2 are unavailable.

The toxic “friend” is the anti-friend. She is a mental, emotional and — dare I say — a verbal attacker. She is weak and likes drama because it gets her attention. She especially likes to dump her toxic waste on others because, as an attacker, she has low self-esteem, is insecure, feels out of control of her own life (no matter what she portrays) and looks for others she can control by ruining their day, good mood or life.

Next Page: Steps 2 through 4 >>

+18
  • Photo_user_blank_big

    jemmin

    about 4 years ago

    8 comments

    Toxic substances are widely used as asbestos, pesticides, fluorescent tubes, oils, some paints, including car and household batteries, and discarded electrical and electronic devices such as televisions and computers, refrigerators and freezers.

    background searches

  • -pix_503_max50

    metot

    about 5 years ago

    574 comments

    Straightforward article:)

  • 18_-_photo_94_max50

    LoriD

    over 5 years ago

    8 comments

    Agghh... I've had my share of too many "toxic friends." This is sound advice!

  • Book_-_children_in_courtroom_max50

    sbcarter

    over 5 years ago

    15582 comments

    Excellent article!

  • Cropped_from_december_2008_max50

    tcounce

    over 5 years ago

    14 comments

    I've known this for a long time, but when I get busy, I tend to forget. Thank you so much for the reminder. Fantastic Article, now going to read the related one.

  • 31660003_max50

    cupid

    over 5 years ago

    8 comments

    I LOVE THIS ARTICLE, I JUST HAD TO PRINT THIS ARTICLE OUT, AND GO RUN ABOUT 25
    COPIES, BECAUSE I HAVE SOME FAMILY MEMBERS JUST MET THE REQUIREMENTS OF THIS ARTICLE.

  • J0178930_max50

    ApresSki

    over 5 years ago

    18 comments

    I have included my mother in this category as well. As much as we are "taught" to "love" family, they too are some of the most toxic beings on the planet.

    Don't worry about their feelings, worry about taking over the counter medications or prescriptions because you can't handle telling them off. Tell the them even if it means yelling. Then wait and see how you feel about an hour later or the next day. Once you get that stuff off your chest, you'll want to know why you waited soooooooooooooooooooooooooo long to do it!!

  • J0178930_max50

    ApresSki

    over 5 years ago

    18 comments

    I just did this in 2008 with clients & high school EX-friends!! They were just the worse! When it came to the clients, I realized I had to speak up and start demanded payment. They have yet to pay their bills, but their attitude towards me as a whole was just one of, "I can use you because I hired you".

    With the high school people, I realized I've grown up and I don't have to "suffer in silence" even though they both had silver spoons in their mouths still. I let them have right back and I'm rid of the "coulda, shoulda, woulda's"! I walk around now feeling good and not worrying about their feelings. I was there for me and now, I'll tell anyone who's trying to treat me like dirt to get lost.

    We do show people how to treat us and if you don't speak up right away or speak up at all, you risk your health, something no one can take for granted.

  • Photo_user_blank_big

    CWyrtzen1

    over 5 years ago

    40 comments

    I had to do this about 5 years ago. It was a husband and wife team and they were users!!! They had/have two young girls The wife knew how to mik the welfare system for every penny. And one time they were having trouble with food stamps and acted like they would go hungry and I being under employed and struggling, emptied my pantry for them. A week later I asked if everything was ok, he told me that some of the food was old and had to be thrown away. Who does that? If that was the case you don't say that you just say thank you. The last straw with them involved another friend of mine who was the wifes best friend from high school and inolved her not trusting my friend with her kids and I blew, the flood gates opened and I wrote what is known as the mushroom cloud letter. They forbidded any contact from any of my friends (2) and I was fine with that. The only issue I had (and my two friends) is these users have 2 beautiful daughters. They were really young but old enough. Their father was verbally abusive. I suspected other abuse but couldn't prove it. I have alot of guilt about the children but I couldn't prove anything. Me and my two friends wanted to be there for the girls to show them that a woman doesn't need a man for an identity and that single women can be strong and successful. Hopefully the short time I was in their lives left a mark. I just couldn't stay involved.

  • Photo_user_blank_big

    Account Removed

    over 5 years ago

    Really helpful to see this in print as we often justify people's behavior by saying they don't know what they're doing or we're over reacting. But toxic friendships don't benefit either party, thanks for a great article!

  • Grand_max50

    MPfennighaus

    over 5 years ago

    78 comments

    This is a great way to eliminate negative energy from your life. Great article!

  • Photo_user_blank_big

    Account Removed

    over 5 years ago

    Great article but I throw this out there for consideration; some of the toxic friends are not so out of malice but because they are mentally unbalanced. THey are easy to spot because they vent external frustrations more than they attack you personally. Some of them may be salvageable (one friend of mine was) as relationships if they can just get the proper help they need. Mind you they have to want the help and if you've done all you can do (while keeping yourself sane) then cutting your losses is the only thing you can do.

  • Photo_user_blank_big

    Account Removed

    over 5 years ago

    I worked with a woman like this! I had to get out of the Office because of her attitude and this article hit it right on the head a "Toxic Person" she wasn't even my friend.

  • Photo_user_blank_big

    Account Removed

    over 5 years ago

    Great article! I learned the hard way and found that now I really only have a very small circle of people I can count on. I am rebuilding my friend network and being much more particular this time around, because I am done with toxic people!

  • Eileen_and_dogs_max50

    eileen11

    over 5 years ago

    28 comments

    this great . lets keep this going
    thank you

Excelle School Finder

Save time in your search for a degree program. Use Excelle's School Finder to locate schools online and in your area.

Get Info

* In the event that we cannot find a program from one of our partner schools that matches your specific area of interest, we may show schools with similar or unrelated programs.

Recent Activity

Photo_user_blank_big
tashbetv received the quiz result of "Sweet Thing", about 1 hour ago.
Photo_user_blank_big
Vongirla received the quiz result of "ISFJ", about 1 hour ago.
Img_118500202082597_max30
carlazito commented on: "Are Stay-at-Home Moms Regretting Their Choices?", about 3 hours ago.
Photo_user_blank_big
vebeeeh received the quiz result of "Laidback Lover", about 14 hours ago.
Photo_user_blank_big
Kawabonga received the quiz result of "Steady Supporter", 2 days ago.