Dump Your Toxic Friends and Radioactive Relationships
Photo courtesy of Creative Commons
Kelly Rudolph | Excelle
April 08, 2009
Are you tired of that certain friend dumping her toxic emotional waste on you? Do you ever notice how happy she is once she gets it all out and how lousy you feel afterward? She’s usually ready to go have fun in a few minutes while you feel like a you just got hit by a truck.
Do you realize attackers (by the way, this “friend” is one) look for weak body language when selecting victims, and the weakness you feel after the dump projects its self in exactly that — weak body language?
That means being the dumping ground is putting you in greater danger of being attacked physically by a mugger, rapist, bully, etc. Do you get the feeling this isn’t you being nice but actually detrimental to your health and safety? Good. Here’s the remedy.
Step 1: Make a list with these categories
1. Could count on in an emergency
2. Fun but not dependable
3. Obligation friend
4. Toxic (waste of my time, energy and self-esteem)
Now, realize your true friends, #1, are the people you could count on to come over in the middle of the night if you’re scared or sick, sit with you in a serious doctor’s visit, come to the funeral of a family member, cheer you up after a devastating breakup or help you re-frame your negative situations into personal growth opportunities. We have very few of these friends and some of us don’t have any…yet.
The #2 friend is an acquaintance, not a friend. The only true friend is #1. But these people are fun to hang with and shop with and do girl stuff with. They just wouldn’t come to mind if something serious is going on because you don’t know them well enough or you know they would conveniently have other plans.
The obligation friend is someone you have to do things with because she is connected to all of your other friends, co-workers or your family. This is someone you might team up with if you’re both going to the same event and don’t want to sit alone. Or the last person you call if you’re bored and #1 and #2 are unavailable.
The toxic “friend” is the anti-friend. She is a mental, emotional and — dare I say — a verbal attacker. She is weak and likes drama because it gets her attention. She especially likes to dump her toxic waste on others because, as an attacker, she has low self-esteem, is insecure, feels out of control of her own life (no matter what she portrays) and looks for others she can control by ruining their day, good mood or life.