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Workaholics: Work on Your Relationships, Too

Workaholics: Work on Your Relationships, Too

Jay Cataldo | Excelle

July 14, 2009

Making your mark in the business world requires for plenty of sacrifices, but one thing that should never be sacrificed is the goal of maintaining a healthy, loving relationship. The constant support of a devoted partner can spell the difference between calmly weathering the never-relenting storms of the workplace and washing up on shore like a sickly sea creature. As you methodically build your kingdom, keep the four next tips in mind, for they will help ensure that you’ll have a contented lover sitting happily beside your throne.

1. Get them on your side.

Most people overlook the importance of setting up the proper relationship foundations. If you’re a chronic workaholic, the first thing you need to do is to create a contextual umbrella for your behaviors, which can be done in a few simple steps.

The first thing you should do is sit down with your partner and discuss your future goals (business and personal). Explain that while you’re excited about building up your company, you value your relationship just as much and are serious about making it work. Foreshadow possible problems that may arise (last minute meetings, feeling neglected, etc.) while explaining that these are unavoidable issues which must be dealt with as a team. You must let them know up front that you expect their support.

A simple discussion like this can help reassure your partner that you won’t allow your business goals to affect your relationship provided they remain supportive and never attempt to sabotage your progress. Many times, framing things this way will minimize future problems and ensure smoother sailing through the rough patches of your relationship.

Next Page: Schedule appropriately and 2 more tips →


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  • Jay_smaller_max50

    JayCataldo

    almost 5 years ago

    30 comments

    My pleasure. It was great chatting with you. :)

  • Photo_user_blank_big

    aprilmaye

    almost 5 years ago

    32 comments

    Hi Jay,

    Thanks for your response and your clarifiaction. It was unexpected-and yet appreciated. I also appreciate the fact that it is hard to convey all your thoughts when your words are limited. Thank's for sharing.

    Sincerely,
    AprilMaye

  • Jay_smaller_max50

    JayCataldo

    almost 5 years ago

    30 comments

    Hi April,

    Thanks for the response. I wanted to quickly address your comments because I think you make some valid points.

    I fully agree that you must always treat your partner with “honesty, respect and the feeling of importance” which is one of the reasons I wrote this article in the first place. Many women who get distracted by their careers may end up unintentionally neglecting their partners which is why a simple “checklist” like the one above, can prove to be helpful.

    >>>Instead what I found was the article is somewhat condescending and self-centered, which by the way can be typical character traits of the workaholic.

    I don’t feel that there’s anything self-centered about this information because its purpose is to help you to transcend the daily hurdles of your work life (together) in order to become a stronger and more resilient couple.

    >>>The article minimizes the non-workaholic partner's feelings by making statements such as 'hopefully they are secure enough that you don't need to be attached to their hip".

    Many women I have consulted with have had to deal with extremely insecure partners who have tried to repeatedly sabotage their success. If you’ve never been in this type of situation, then you’re incredibly lucky because many times, the only effective solution is to end the relationship. There’s a big difference a man who feels a bit neglected and one who will never be “ok” with your achievements. I have plenty of sympathy for the first type of man but not much for the second.

    >>>The advice, although it may well intended comes off as if the workaholic should just throw his or her partner a bone.

    I understand your point. Since I need to keep my articles short, it’s difficult to convey everything I would like in 600 words or less, so let me clarify. I feel that it can be incredibly helpful (for many reasons) to get your partner involved in your work projects. Now this shouldn’t just be a one-time thing, which is the impression I may have mistakenly given off. In order to make this work over the long-term, it’s best to start with a small request and big up to bigger ones over time, so yes, I can see how the first one may come off like you’re condescendingly “throwing him a bone.” However, the goal here is to eventually bring him deeper into your business life so you can count on him for valuable input and support. This is win-win because it also allows him to feel like he is playing a role in your success (which he will be). There’s nothing condescending about this unless the only thing you ever ask of him is to organize your filing cabinet. :)

    >>>I mean after all let's not forget mother's have been working non-stop since way back when. They have been overwhelmed in every generation. Many are full-time parents, wives, and employees or employer's depending on your status. And yet they manage to give to their children, their husbands, a childs school, volunteer, do laundry, maintain the home, kiss the boo boo's and still say 'I love you' AND are their for support and romance for their man at the end of the day.

    This is a great point. I agree that full-time career women shouldn’t make excuses for not being able to find time for their families/relationships. But I’d also like to add that times are changing… and (sadly) traditional relationship values are changing with them. Factor in all the new technological distractions like blackberrys, facebook, twitter, etc. and it’s easy to see how woman are finding less and less time for their partners. So I think now, more than ever, it’s important to have a solid game plan for not only your business life, but for your personal life as well.

    Thanks again for your input. :)

    -Jay

  • Photo_user_blank_big

    aprilmaye

    almost 5 years ago

    32 comments

    Jay's article peaked my interest--so I read it. I'm not sure what I expected. But, somehow I thought it would contain something more substantial. Instead what I found was the article is somewhat condescending and self-centered, which by the way can be typical character traits of the workaholic. The article minimizes the non-workaholic partner's feelings by making statements such as 'hopefully they are secure enough that you don't need to be attached to their hip". Additionally, the tone in which he uses to get our partner's involved in a work project with us is reminiscent of keeping a child distracted with a subtle hint of reverse psychology. The advice, althouth it may well intended comes off as if the workaholic should just throw his or her partner a bone. Not a good way to build a solid foundation. I personally and professionally believe that if you are in a realtionship that matters to you and if you just so happen to be a workaholic then you need to prioritze, make time to connect with your partner, (which Jay does mention in this article)and treat your partner the way you want to be treated. With honesty, respect, and the feeling of importance. I can't help but to laugh when I hear a workaholic say that they have much to do and not enough time to do it. I think of this as an excuse to slack off or be negligent with regards to their personal lives and family relationships. I mean after all let's not forget mother's have been working non-stop since way back when. They have been overwhelmed in every generation. Many are full-time parents, wives, and employees or employer's depending on your status. And yet they manage to give to their children, their husbands, a childs school, volunteer, do laundry, maintain the home, kiss the boo boo's and still say 'I love you' AND are their for support and romance for their man at the end of the day. Seriously, if mom's across the world can fit it all in so can the workaholics in America.

    PS. I am a recovering workaholic.

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