Excelle

Amen to most of this! Having just gotten my downsizing letter a few weeks ago, I'm still in the 'reeling phase.' Nine years with my company, nary a performance problem. But we had massive contract losses for 2010, and the company had a round a corporate-wide job cuts, and mine was, unfortunately one of those mandated by someone I'm sure never even read my name. Unfortunately, my job also came with a company car...so I'm losing my transportation shortly, and taking on more debt when I'm staring zero income in the face is less than appealing.

I HATE the 'You have to file unemployment right away!' Well, genius, technically, I'm still employed for a few more months, so can't do that while I'm getting a paycheck. I already feel stupid enough as it is, so stating the obvious is rather insulting. (I realize this decision had so nothing to do with performance, but really difficult to not play the 'If I'd have taking this training, joined this committee...etc. game.)

The two bright sides are that my position is work from home, so I don't have to face my still-employed coworkers as I frantically search for a job, and that I no longer have to feel guilty about being upset with work problems and hearing 'Well, be glad you still have a job!'

@aly123 What I want to know is why my job was such a huge part of my identity and losing it feels incredibly bad. My sister lost her job after 29 years at a global firm. I had no idea how bad she felt until I experienced it.

I think that's an acute comment, aly123 -- it's definitely a thought and a perspective that I know I think about.

This article is spot-on and unfortunately very timely! The last time I was let go [once in 1995 and again in 1996] the economy wasn't in the same dire straits as today, but it took me four years to find a comparable job in compensation and responsibility. If I had known up front what would be endured - the loss of job & house, living in a questionable neighborhood with manageable rent but high drama [think crime] - I don't know how I would have managed.

Of course, manage is what you do - eventually. But on the front end, you need to come to terms with the situation, grieve, and get the same kind of support you would if someone close had died. In a sense, someone has - the you that held that job, had those work friends.

People don't know what to do or say in any awkward situation, not just job loss, so this is no surprise. Those of us who have gone through it are more likely to stay quiet and listen, letting the laid off person tell us what they need.

The other thing about being let go that isn't mentioned enough is that there is still a stigma attached to it, even if there is no fault, that there is somehow something wrong with the person. People are so in denial that a job can be lost for no other reason than a salary had to be cut from the budget of the employer, that they assume the laid off person did something wrong. The stupid and insensitive comments come from a place of judgement - "I know you're not saying, but you must have done SOMETHING to get yourself into this mess." And the laid off know that many others they face harbor these feelings even if they don't verbalize them.

klcrowley61 - I especially empathize with you, as I was in the same boat with the first 15 years of my career after college in the same company. Instead of a luncheon celebration of service, I carried a box of personal stuff to the car on my last day, accompanied by my boss who carried a second box. The idea that this might be upsetting and showing emotion being a sign of mental instability is a sign of the times; "professional" these days means you've learned to be a robot which can be reprogrammed. Depth of experience, dependability, loyalty, commitment, flexibility and ethics that used to be the mark of a true professional have given way to "how much can you do for how little money?" and the bottom line. Not only do workers suffer for this, but clients as well, as the worst criticism I have received in the past two years is that I am "too customer service oriented." Imagine that, in a company which survives on providing services to others!

Thousands have been laid off at my company, and it shows no signs of slowing. I'm on this web link in preparation for the inevitable, trying to give myself a head start in the search for my next position. The tips and stories here are invaluable!

Oh how I hate cliches! Excellent article and useful tips - Thanks!

I honestly think our co-workers and family don't know what to say when the worst happens and your job position gets eliminated (which mine did a year ago). So, they speak without thinking it through and end up making you feel worse instead of better. So, if you are the one who has had your job position eliminated - remember, they don't know what to say or do around you even though you want them to know instinctly. That's why this article is so good - so pass it on!

I actually had a male co-worker ask me question #2 (i.e. "What did I do to deserve it?') only in a little more diplomatic manner and yes - it was very offensive and hurtful. I think everyone (in my family and who is gainfully employed) has told me the "everything happens for a reason" philosophy, which no one is receptive to right after their job position is eliminated (I'm still not receptive to that one a year later).

I certainly appreciate the examples of what not to say, but I feel it's a little incomplete without examples of what you can/should say.

Some what truthful a vacation from work and we all need that but not by being laid off or let go. Some people have never taken that time and always working for the family: Try to stay busy: get to thing that you did not have time for. Keep busy by cleaning out drawers in your bathroom, clean garage, clean out clothes you don't wear and taking space, paint a room you have been trying to clean out and if you can afford it, lowe's and home depot always have paint gone wrong for $5.00 , I got this gold yellow and re-painted my office, it's pretty nice now. go through old paperwk and throw it out. Check out free computer classes for training if you need it. Call friends or relatives that you not had time to just check up with them and let them know you miss them. Take time think and walk to get it out of your system. I you cld not sleep in before, do it now and enjoy it. We base our lives to work for people and give alot of time , yet they don't care when it's time to let you go and then you wonder why. You should of left on time to come home to just enjoy your life, watch a movie, take a walk. Thing happen for something even greater, that's my way of thinking. Life is short and we all need to make the best out of everyday or try too. We might die today or tomorrow and take nothing, except our souls. So Smile and love yourself and know a day at a time. So good luck to all !!! :}