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5 Signs Your Relationship Needs a Tune-Up

5 Signs Your Relationship Needs a Tune-Up

Melissa Noble | YourTango

November 06, 2009

If your man is unwilling to fetch you a napkin while he’s up at a dinner party, does that mean the relationship is doomed? If you feel too bashful to ask your partner for help is that an indication of a shaky union?

Anne Hill, a talk radio host, and blogger for Huffington Post 2 thinks so. In fact, she’ll go so far as to say the three most important words in a relationship are “while you’re up.” Yes. While you’re up.

Imagine that you are hosting a big family gathering, and after hours of preparation the food is finally served and you are sitting down ready to enjoy a delicious plate of food. Suddenly, you realize there is no butter on the table. Your spouse is getting up to get a clean fork for your daughter, who just dropped hers on the floor. You say to him, "While you’re up, can you please bring out the butter?

Everything you need to know about your relationship is right there, in your tone as you ask the question, and in the way he responds.

Hill goes on to say that if your man bristles, scoffs, or acts in any way unhappy about doing this small, selfless favor then he’s in the same category as her friend’s philandering 4 husband who’s “spine stiffened” at the request. She also says to take a good look at how you say it, too. If you feel too needy asking or automatically annoyed, take note.

We like this advice. We’ve often thought the foundation of a relationship lies in a person’s behavior when they don’t know they’re being watched.

Inspired, we decided to add to the list. Here are four more examples we think should be indicators of trouble brewing beneath an otherwise carefree facade.

  • Your partner is unwilling to lie in bed with you (at least for a little while) on a lazy weekend.

  • If there’s any eye-rolling when asked to turn down the TV because one of you is trying to sleep.

  • If one or both parties goes to run errands and doesn’t think to ask if the other needs anything.

  • He/she sees a problem and doesn’t automatically make an attempt to fix or offer a solution.

Does this ring true in your relationship? Get our community’s advice on how to fix it here and check out 101 suggestions on how to reconnect with your partner right now.

Readers: can you think of any other signals that a relationship may be crumbling beneath an otherwise smooth-sailing facade?

Read More From YourTango: How To Fall Out Of Fear And Into Love Life As An Asexual SpatSolver—The Ultimate Argument Resolution Device

  • Cimg4034_max50


    about 5 years ago


    Wait, so where are the suggestions on how to reconnect? I'd like to see them please!

  • Photo_user_blank_big


    about 5 years ago


    Gotta put in a vote for "yeah, but..." on this one. If you are ALWAYS being asked to get something "While you're up..." that the other person could easily have done for themselves but they wait until you are up to make multiple requests, then that's a different matter. I think asking for little favors is fine - my hubby does it all the time, but he also asks "Can I get you anything?" when he's up and doesn't always wait for me as if I'm the maid / waitress / his caretaker. Just another perspective...

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