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5 Ways to Fix Your Man's Issues (Or Not)

5 Ways to Fix Your Man's Issues (Or Not)

Christine Arylo | Divine Caroline

November 03, 2010

“I can fix him.”
“He will change for me.”
“Just give him some time, he’ll come around.”
“When we get married, move in together, and have kids, he will change.”

If these statements, or words like them, have ever traveled across your lips, welcome to the Queen of Illusion Club. This club is reserved for women who have ever tried to change their mate, which essentially means all women. Because, somewhere between bassinette and cap and gown, we’ve all gotten the following message: “If I just love him more, employ the right dating/relationship rule, or sacrifice myself more, he will be different, and we will be happy.”

Think about all the times and ways in which you have dated or married a man’s potential, instead of seeing him for the truth of who he chooses to be. Remember the energy, time, and emotion you spent on trying to get this man to morph into your picture of who he could be. How well did that/is that working for you?

Probably not too well, and here is why: trying to fix your man requires you to lie to the most important person in your life, yourself. This lack of self-honesty, not your lack of effort, is what stops you from having the partner you truly want. Want to fix your man? Get that partner that your heart’s been craving? Then turn your focus from he to me, splash some cold water on your face, and swallow these love truths:

1. Get over yourself.
Appointing yourself as a fixer is arrogant. No matter how special you are, you have no more power than any other woman to change this man. No matter how much love, effort, sex, or money you throw at this guy, there is only one person he will truly ever change for and that is himself. Not even your love is powerful enough to change a man who doesn’t want to do the hard work, and make no mistake, becoming a better person is hard work. Give up the idea that you have super powers to help your guy, and realize that only he has the power to empower himself.

Next Page: Look in the mirror →

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At DivineCaroline, you’ll be spending time with women who embrace the fact that life isn’t always easy or beautiful or fair. Our dream is to give you a place to come together to express yourselves. What brings you joy. What breaks your heart. Makes you giggle. What pisses you off. Confuses you. Entertains you. What keeps you strong. Check them out here!


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