Excelle

Of course!!! Every single day, especially during homework time!

whimsey4you:  that was great. reverse it all. i have 3 little ones now but i have a daughter who is 23 today. and yes the teenage years are horrible. i actually still believe my sweet wonderful daughter was taken by aliens at age 14 and they gave me someone else for the next 4 years. thankfully, my sweet wonderful daughter finally came home from planet mars and now she's my best friend. so there is hope.

rosalia

whimsey4you says ...

The true meaning of the bumper sticker which says, "Live long enough to embarrass your kids" has new meaning once you have a teenager.  My daughter just turned 15 and suddenly I am now the most embarrassing person she can be seen with.  Rather than take this personally I have decided to revel in the power it gives me.  

Of course many of you have had the "You aren't wearing THAT" argument...but I turned the tables on my daughter.  She was wanting to wear midriff tops and tanks with bra straps showing...both of which I had been carefully taught were fashion no-nos.  The other day I picked her up from school and stopped at the grocery store..."Mom!  You can't go in dressed like that!!!"  "I am staying in the car!!!" Imagine...a 45 year old dressed just like her 15 year old, and she does not want to be seen with me.  Well...I admit the embarrassment was worth every moment...she has now dressed a bit more conservatively.  She HAD to go in the store with me as it was too hot to sit in the car.  It was a priceless moment that also was a bit cheeky of me to enjoy so much.

Recently she wanted to dye her beautiful auburn hair black.  "Oh My Gosh..women all over the world for die for your hair!" was ineffective, however, "Sure, just as soon as I am finished dying mine purple."  The purple dye sat on the counter...I had called her bluff.  Perhaps if we both wait a couple weeks and you still insist on dying your hair black, mine will be purple just in time for Halloween!  She knows I would do it.  I am not sure how long I can keep this up.  I am praying she does not ask about piercing next, but I have already asked my husband to pick up a pamphlet from our nearest piercing place, just so I can whip it out and show her which one "Mom" might get too.  Of course she may never go that far....I am hoping...praying....and a bit nervous.  When 'Mom" wants to do it too---suddenly it just isn't that cool.

So...when some of you are just really sick of the teething, weaning, whining...arguing...and general small kid antics...look what you can look forward to...it still happens when they are 15...you just better be more prepared for it then.  :)

Hilarious!! I have 2 boys and 2 girls. I know my girls will give us a run for our money. I don't have any problem using your tactics! I will remember this. That's awesome. lol!

Yep...I can be pretty silly.  Looking at life with humor makes it bearable sometimes.  It isn't all fun and games.

Kids grow up way too fast.  Wasn't it just yesterday that I went to my first prom?  Wait...remember WHAT I did after my first prom!!!  And yes...I was a GOOD girl.  Imagine our horror when my 15 year old daughter came home excited about her first prom!   My husband was on the "wild" side as a teen.  I probably would have been forbidden to date him.  My husband is constantly reminding our boys that they cannot come up with anything that he hasn't already tried...which that is pretty scary...but it is reality.  They know he knows...and he tells them about decisions he regrets.

One thing we do with our three teenagers is being honest about our own mistakes as teens.  They face the same stuff we did--just sooner.  They also face stuff we never would have thought about "way back then" so we discuss everything openly.  Quiet worrying does nothing for anyone. 

My 15 yr old daughter and I had a very frank talk about losing virginity.  I told her about what happened to me, at a party, pretending to be much older than I was, drunk and passed out...waking up in a mess and not understanding what had happened.  Perhaps I was lucky not to remember. The reality was very real to my daughter--- that my best friend took me there, convinced me it was okay to fib about where I was at to my parents, and this best friend thought it was very funny that I did not understand what had actually happened to me.  This really brought it home to her, that when something feels wrong then it probably is...and you should really think for yourself and not be pressured into a situation by even a best friend.  Her reaction..."Wow..some best friend."  My daughter has told me that this story and the fact that it really happened to me showed her that it could happen to anyone, which is the point. 

So...being seen as human and not perfect can be a good thing.  We are not perfect parents, nobody is.  When my daughter started high school we sat down and watched "American Pie" together.  We talked about the fact that even though this is a comedy it is the closest thing to reality out there.  Boys really will do anything, say anything, etc... to reach a goal that their hormones are screaming for, and their friends are pressuring them to achieve.  It is reality.  Her step-dad set there shaking his head, and she knew it was true.  It is human.  It is something she had to know about in order to know what to do when faced with it.

If your kids are really young-- think about opportunities to really talk to them about the realities of life, all the time.  Keep it within the boundaries of age appropriateness.  Humor and honesty is a key.  Remember they are roughly 4-7 years ahead of what you experienced at their age when they are in middle school/high school.  Don't wait too long to discuss the really important stuff.  They don't tend to roll their eyes so much if it is a topic which has been openly discussed all along.

On a professional level, I used to see at least 6 different girls every month, all under the age of 15 and pregnant.  Some topics need to be openly discussed way earlier than you might think.  It is a harsh reality that our kids are forced to mature faster than their bodies and minds.

Our other two teens are boys.  This summer they each got a book about puberty, skin care, reproduction and birth control.  I called it the "freedom of information act" because I had given a similar book to my daughter when she turned 11.  BTW...her book became so worn that I had to tape it together before she finally decided it didn't offer any new information for her...and she shared this book with many friends that weren't so lucky to have real information available.  I'd rather them learn the truth than some weird stuff kids at school speculate about...and I have heard some really misleading stuff from some of my young patients.

Now, looking back... potty training and teething was pretty darn easy.  Those of you with little ones, you must prepare yourselves now.  Don't wait.  Cherish those days when they look at everything with wonder and awe.  Don't let anyone tell you that you will spoil them if you hold them too much, as it won't be long til they are too big to hold.  Share with them who you really are.  How many of you still look at your parents and cannot believe they were ever young?  They were. Honestly...and they made mistakes too.

Looking back, I wish I had listened to my Mom when I she said to enjoy being young ...not to be in such a hurry to grow up...and that growing up is over-rated. 

Ms Brown...

  We looked at probably 9 books before we picked:

 "Growing and Changing...A Handbook for Preteens" written by Kathy McCoy, PhD and Charles Wibbelsman, MD.  

It is has bare-bones facts without a preachy overtone, however it falls short in my opinion when it comes to the topic of premarital sex, safe sex, and VERY briefly talks about birth control.  We decided was a great option to get started with and depending upon how well they do, or rather, how many questions they have after they have read it. 

Judging by the first round of questions thus far, we have decided to simply answer those questions and offer more information from another source if they want it.  We seem to be able to handle the questions thus far which seems the important part....open conversations are opportunities for learning.   

BTW...first question was "What do condoms look like?" and they were both a bit hysterical when we gave them one each.  Apparently "we" were not expected to suddenly have one available to look at.  It was sort of a "Ewwww...my parents have them?" thing.  

I guess all the "prep work" for our 15 year old daughter is paying off here as well.  I will never forget when she asked that same question and I went over to my dresser and pulled one out for her....the look on her face was something I will never forget.  When she realized how easy it was to tear it while pulling it over a cucumber, that really was an important lesson too.  It took her a while to look at a cucumber without blushing.  We let the boys try out the cucumbers alone...that was a bit too much for Mom to handle.  They did realize quickly that they are not foolproof which was the point. 

My sister thought I was silly having them in my drawer because we do not need them (wonder medical procedures) but I thought that it was important for my kids to know that they are easy to get and very available.   A normal thing for a grown up to have...to do grown-up things.

Prayer to God...."Please don't let them grow-up to fast."   That innocence is priceless.  

Natalie

I am still a long way away from the teenage years, however my own are not so far from my memory that I don't constatnly find myslef still trying to make up to my mother for all the insanity I bypassed through in "finding myself" in my teens.  With my son who is 7 soon to be 8 it is a constant battle.  He is very very very hyper and that's on his slow days.  I am the parent that parents with attentive children in school fuss at because my son requires a little extra guidance...ok a lot of extra guidence.  Like most ADHD kids he is very smart but unfortunately with curriculum requirements, classroom sizes, and standardized testing the freedoms needed for such wandering minds aren't possible in the public school system.  His teacher actually has my cell number in her blackberry and my email in her contacts list.  We had done medication for two years and I really wanted for him to be able to work around the short attention span this year but it is just not working.  Between his never wanting to slow down and me constantly having to repeat myself, topped by a 4 month old girl who already appears to be a little advanced for her age and already developing her mother's demanding attitude I imagine this ride is only going to get more interesting as time goes on.  But in reflection I wouldn't want them any other way.  I cherish them always even when I get the urge to just head straight from work to happy hour to avoid being my daughters personal cow, my son's motivator and dictator, as well as super housekeeper, but it is all so worth it.

whimsey4you says ...

Ms Brown...

  We looked at probably 9 books before we picked:

 "Growing and Changing...A Handbook for Preteens" written by Kathy McCoy, PhD and Charles Wibbelsman, MD.  

It is has bare-bones facts without a preachy overtone, however it falls short in my opinion when it comes to the topic of premarital sex, safe sex, and VERY briefly talks about birth control.  We decided was a great option to get started with and depending upon how well they do, or rather, how many questions they have after they have read it. 

Judging by the first round of questions thus far, we have decided to simply answer those questions and offer more information from another source if they want it.  We seem to be able to handle the questions thus far which seems the important part....open conversations are opportunities for learning.   

BTW...first question was "What do condoms look like?" and they were both a bit hysterical when we gave them one each.  Apparently "we" were not expected to suddenly have one available to look at.  It was sort of a "Ewwww...my parents have them?" thing.  

I guess all the "prep work" for our 15 year old daughter is paying off here as well.  I will never forget when she asked that same question and I went over to my dresser and pulled one out for her....the look on her face was something I will never forget.  When she realized how easy it was to tear it while pulling it over a cucumber, that really was an important lesson too.  It took her a while to look at a cucumber without blushing.  We let the boys try out the cucumbers alone...that was a bit too much for Mom to handle.  They did realize quickly that they are not foolproof which was the point. 

My sister thought I was silly having them in my drawer because we do not need them (wonder medical procedures) but I thought that it was important for my kids to know that they are easy to get and very available.   A normal thing for a grown up to have...to do grown-up things.

Prayer to God...."Please don't let them grow-up to fast."   That innocence is priceless.  

Natalie

Thanks for the book information. He found some condoms, and put water in them! LOL...water balloons! What age is too early to teach them? I think 10 is too early, but I learned at 7, and a few of my friends are telling me how I'll be amazed at what he already knows...when I ask, he says all he knows is it involves a lot of kissing.

mzbrown.....RE:  What age should you start talking about or offering information?  For girls I think 11 is a great age because that is the typical age most girls want a bra even when they may not need one yet.  Boys, usually around 12, because the girls are already a bit more sophisticated and the boys are starting to wonder why.   Of course it depends upon how mature each individual is.   I have a nephew that is 13 but mentally not ready for any information, which concerns me....a completely different topic.

JuneSockol....RE: ADHD, meds, and the IEP program.   Our 13 year old son has ADHD and I must say we fought medicating him until we realized HE suffers as much or more than we do when he isn't on his meds.  He did not like it when he realized he had no control over  what he could focus on. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't be as functional as he is with his meds.  I think the key is tweaking the dosage and going to a Doctor which is willing to work on that. Over-medicating makes them groggy and sluggish, not enough meds and they are irritable.  The IEP program was a huge blessing, offering our son the opportunity to show that he is capable of great things.  He went from struggling with low C and D's to now straight A's.  He is mainstreaming out of the program next year, but will always have a "study hall" period to help him stay on track.

victoriakelly....RE: One child with ADHD and a remarkable younger sibling which is demanding...

That is a description of the life of my sister and her children. They are both in college now.   I watched my sister struggle to get her son tested year after year many years ago when most schools were simply not prepared to deal with ADHD and it was not really well known.  Her son was placed in a program which actually did more harm than good and he became resentful and simply gave up.  He always tested with an extremely high IQ but could not sit still long enough to do homework.  His savior was a palm pilot  which he found to miraculously hold his attention and help him do his classwork to be printed elsewhere.  He would pace back and forth at the back of the classroom working quietly on his palm pilot...it was a miracle.  Now in college he uses technology to assist him in many ways such as recording his lectures and getting as many books on tape/verbal translations. 

There was a time when he was in high school when we never thought college was possible for him.  I think that it is like a puzzle, looking for that clue for each person to use to help them do what is necessary.  Technology was his answer. 

His sister...was demanding.  It was a normal response to having a peer that required extra attention.  Being younger and not understanding had a big impact of her.  My sister handled that by setting aside a special time each evening for her and doing specific activities with her.  They shared a love of baking and painting which her son had little patience for, so they carved out a unique place for each other and that made her daughter strong and self reliant.   Her daughter learned that supporting her brother by reading his lessons out loud for him, also helped her too.  She graduated a year behind him instead of three.  He was proud of her and appreciative of her help all those years.  Over time they appreciated each other...which happens to most when most siblings mature.  

Hey...it took me a while to appreciate my younger siblings.  I am the oldest of four, the last to marry and have children, and the last to become a grandma. I am not ready for the grandma part for at least 10 more years!  They learned a lot from me growing up, and I learned very valuable lessons from them as they pioneered family and children of their own.  My baby brother married a woman my age with 5 boys, and then they had 4 more boys, then he lost all his hair. 

Both my kids are on medication for their ADHD and I have to say it does make a HUGE difference.  I know a lot of people don't like to medicate but for some kids it does help.  What I did was talk to the doctor and I researched the medication.  Keep in mind there are lots of different types of medications and some work better than others, and each kid is different and responds differently.  My kids are on Adderall Xr.  My older son has been taking this medication for 10 years now without any bad side effects.  I know some kids that are on special diets and their parents swear it helps. 

If your kids are struggling in school, make sure you talk to the teacher.  At the start of each year I made a point to meet with the new teacher, let them know my son had ADHD and to please call or email me if they had any questions or there were any problems. Some teachers will be better then others.

I also noticed that once my son hit puberty, his behaviors got worse. Puberty is awful for these kids.  I also found the teachers in Middle school are not as willing to help or as understanding so you really need to keep an eye on them during this time.  My son had anxiety that wasn't diagnosed til middle school and it got so bad he wouldn't get in the car.

At least we now have the ability to get on the internet and research a lot of this stuff.  It's also great to talk to other parents.  10 years ago most people didn't believe me when I said my son had ADHD.  So many people told me I just needed to disipline him more.  I'm glad I have found boards like these were we can all share information and help & support each other.