Excelle

Ladies, yes a diva is dealing with some messed up stuff right now and I need some support. Without putting all my juicy in the streets, I just don't understand why a man who is so remorseful after the fact, claims he loves me, in love with me and our family, would do something to risk losing all of that. What's the deal?! Speak out ladies! How do I get past this and make my marriage stronger for it? Or is that too Maury-ish? Can a marriage truly recover from infidelity?

Just my opinion....I'm a firm believer that men can change.  As women we can't change them but they do have the capacity to change with the help of the Lord.  What we have control over is ourselves.  I have been married close to ten years now.  We were together for 6 prior to getting married.  We have been through ALOT!  I have learned over the years that men are attracted to strong and confident women.  When we get caught up in our own insecurities and depressed and stop taking care of ourselves, we unlock the door for another chick to come into the picture.  Example...a few years ago my husband was working security at night.  This chick drove up and bluntly came on to him.  He later told me it turned him on because no one had ever came at him like that.  Instead of getting mad, I had a light bulb moment.  As a wife, its my job to make it hard for any woman out there to out do me.  I want to be the one to fulfill his fantasies (no matter how strange), make him feel like a man, basically be everything to him.  That way if any chick comes around my husband is already fulfilled.  Theres nothing she can do or offer him that hes not already getting from me at home.  Just from my experience this really helps.  My husband runs around trying to please me because I've done so much for him that he wants to even up things.   I know its not easy.  I've been there when you just feel hurt and devastated by a husbands betrayal.  But it can change.  Focus on God and let Him help you, guide you, and mold you into the wife your husband needs.   Believe me, when your husband sees you he will want to change to keep you in his life.

Thank you ladies. I'm ahving a hard time with this. I want to believe and trust that he has the capacity to change. But I've heard it before from other men (specifically my ex-husband- who continued to have affairs unbeknownst to me). He tells me I do do everything right (and I do).I give him everything.I'm a good wife.But it still happened.He seems remorseful and doesn't want to loseme but I'm scared to lose myself in all of this.My confidence and self esteem. It's happened to me before. I will work on it. Thanks for your prayers.

conniewilson says ...

Thank you ladies. I'm ahving a hard time with this. I want to believe and trust that he has the capacity to change. But I've heard it before from other men (specifically my ex-husband- who continued to have affairs unbeknownst to me). He tells me I do do everything right (and I do).I give him everything.I'm a good wife.But it still happened.He seems remorseful and doesn't want to loseme but I'm scared to lose myself in all of this.My confidence and self esteem. It's happened to me before. I will work on it. Thanks for your prayers.

I always thought men cheated because there were idiots, but some of you ladies have shed new light on the subject.

Connie, it's something that you say that "He doesn't want to lose me, but I'm scared to lose myself."...as women, we get so wrapped up in our mates, our kids, that we do often times lose ourselves. We have to learn to give our all to them, and still give it to ourselves too. I haven't figured out how to do it just yet, but when I find out I'll let you know. All i can tell you is that prayer changes things and people. I will pray with you on this one.