Excelle

Love has no color, or at least it shouldn't.

It doesn't work for me per say (I tried it when I was younger and I just couldn't do it.) but I say to each his own.  Color shouldn't matter I have cousins who married outside of our race, and i get along with them fine.  This is a new day and age and interracial couples are more common now and more accepted.  If this is who your daughter loves, just try to be more understanding of the relationship because you wouldn't  it to drive a wedge between your parent/child relationship just continue to love and support her and let her that your there for her always.  By the way that's a good topic, I might have to face the same thing one day so guess I'll be following my own advice someday.  Take care  

Thanks Smiles and Houseonahill.  I appreciate both comments and respect what each of you have to say.

All of your comments help me grow and become a better woman!

Rosalia I enjoyed your comments.  This is called brutally honest.  It's great because you mentioned the most important people in all of this, the children! 

That is the most complicated part of interracial relationships.  The identify of the children.  They struggle they go through of being accepted by one or both sides of  the family.  Their friendships and so on.

Thank you! 

My husband is Mexican.

The hardest thing for me to deal with was my family. His family seemed to care less who he loved/married, as long as I was good to him. There are stereotypes and predjiduces that were and still are hard for my family to overcome. Rosalia is right in that you will deal with things that you wouldn't have to deal with in a "same race" relationship.

The cultural difference was the second hardest thing: For me and my husband it caused a power struggle in the beginning; he thought I would do everything in the house like his mom did for him, and that was a rude awakening for him! There were also some misunderstandings on both of our parts, my husband's English is great, but he has a thick accent and talks low sometimes; sometimes we totally misunderstand how something was meant (i.e. sarcasm/tone of voice). In many ways our humor is the same, but we don't have the same taste in certain comedy TV shows. I can't stand some of the ones he loves and thinks are hilarious. There is this one show that he loves, kind of like candid camera, only sometimes the tricks are so horrible that the poor people are afraid for their lives - I'm nearly in tears and he's laughing. I also had to get used to his soccer obsession, which sometimes dominates the TV. He wanted to record/watch all the games leading up to the finals last year - and not just to follow a certain team - all of them!!

Many Christians use a certain verse regarding being "unequally yoked" with another to say that is why races shouldn't mix. I (and many others) believe that it's talking about your faith, not your race, and if you read the verse, it's pretty clear,

If one were to take any two people anywhere in the world, scientists have found that the basic genetic differences between these two people would typically be around 0.2 percent—even if they came from the same people group.¹⁰ But, these so-called ‘racial’ characteristics that people think are major differences (skin colour, eye shape, etc.) ‘account for only 0.012 percent of human biological variation.’⁷ In other words, the so-called ‘racial’ differences are absolutely trivial—overall, there is more variation within any group than there is between one group and another. If a white person is looking for a tissue match for an organ transplant, for instance, the best match may come from a black person, and vice versa. The ABC news science page stated, ‘What the facts show is that there are differences among us, but they stem from culture, not race.’⁶ 

The world began w/ one man and woman not a bunch of different races at once, so really, we are all the same, all humans, and all deserving of meaningful relationships. Different races shouldn't affect whether or not two people have loving, lasting, commited relationships.

There are many other more important, life-altering factors involved in whether or not you should be in a relationship with someone, many which we often ignore. 

Equally yoked as used by Christians, mean equally yoked in faith...basically warning that it will be hard being a believer married to a non-believer...but it also says that a Christian woman should be able to win her husband over without a word. It doesn't mean race...in the biblical times there were all kinds of interracial couples.

Your comments are all amazing!  I am a little baffled because it seems as if Rosalia was the only one (in addition to myself) who was willing to acknowledge that although the idea of being "one" and "not seeing color" that this could actually pose issues and in some cases problems for the children.  Our world or some societies just are not ready to see mixed couples.  It's been in our lifetime that some states just lifted the old laws of interracial marriages.  If we discuss things openly and with realism, then and only then can the problems be really resolved.

I'd also like to see a world where skin color does not matter, but we're not living it.  There are problems. Racism is real.  Bigotry is still alive.

It's a beautiful idea but I'm like John Mayer, "waiting for the world to change."

I love what's in your brains and I love you for sharing.  You're all so beautiful and I thank you.  Keep the conversation going though.

Peace,

I guess I didn't mention the possibility of issues because from my experience - from watching my parents in an interracial relationship, being a child that's a product from it, and by being in an interracial relationship now - I've not experienced any negativity, which is my actual experience.  Out of all the places I've lived and visited around the country, I've never heard any relatives, friends or coworkers ever say they were against interracial relationships, either, and I've had many friends who were in them and never complained about any troubles.  Maybe it's just the generation I live in?  Probably, but even so, that still speaks to the change in society and its' acceptance and to the future, which needs to be acknowledged, as well.   I'm sure not everyone in an interracial relationship will have the same experiences I have had (DUH!), but part of the realism IS that some will not have any negative experiences, either, which can't be discounted.  I can't imagine the what ifs of my experiences had they been negative, because they just weren't.  Having positive experiences is good, right?  :)

bluefly44 says ...

Dana - I thought that staring was just a cultural thing (Mexicans aren't the only ones I've noticed do it blatantly - in Hawaii, the Filipinos were known for it).  :)  My brother lived in Vegas for many years, and he'd get paranoid about the staring, too.  LOL!  I just ignore it or better, I smile and say hi, which usually brings on smiles and hellos and it breaks the ice and usually breaks the constant stare, as well.

Sizing you up and possibly talking about you - isn't that the universal jealousy thing that women do?  LOL!  You're a good-looking woman who's as tall as a model!  I would take it as a compliment that they're jealous of you and what you have.  :)

Oh no, I didn't mean to say that all Mexicans and only Mexicans do that!! Just meant that that has been my experience, being with a Mexican man. There isn't the same reaction with other Mexican girls walking into those stores. I will never get used to the women sizing-up-giving-nasty-me-looks-thing and have never had it happen more than in that situation. LOL I don't want anyone to be jealous of me  - and believe me, I am so not a supermodel type!!

Blue, I wish my growing up involved more diverse-ness!! I was pretty sheltered, being in TX. Here, it can be very clique-ish when it comes to races. I wish it wasn't the case, and I hope that it will get better. If you think about it though, America has come a long way in this regard though. 

Dana - I agree, America has come a very long way.  If this were 1950, the responses would be quite different, I'm sure!  Living in so many cities in the west, I guess I am spoiled in the area of diversity, too.  I'm in Mobile, AL now, which is a lot more diverse than I thought it would be - maybe because it's a port on the bay and got so many international companies here?  I don't know, but I had some preconceived notions that were incorrect.  I'm not saying it's the haven of diversity, it's just not what I had expected and 100x more open and friendly than the small town in FL that I just moved from.

I didn't see anyone say that racism doesn't exist.  I've experienced racism and prejudice, so I know it exists, but it was not directed toward my relationship, it was directed toward me and others at work.  I posted a lengthy post about that on a different thread awhile back.  I just don't have any stories in that regards in terms of my interracial relationship.  Even though I did experience racism and prejudice, I'm not so jaded by my experiences to asume every in the town was like that, nor will I discount all the other places that I lived in that I did not experience that type of behavior.  Sometimes people can't see beyond their own experiences to accept that other people have other experiences which are just as valid.

There's no right or wrong answer when it comes to individual experiences.  Not everyone will experience the same things.  Everyone's experiences are of equal value.

Everyone's experiences are equal and no one combination of races should be considered more or less important to discuss.  Also, there's something wrong if someone is only looking for bad experiences and wants to dismiss any success stories.  Success stories show the progression of things in this country.  If someone is really looking for the truth, they will want to hear and acknowledge both and not just focus on one side of the story or focus on one set of race combinations. 

AnnEvanston says ...

I am in an interracial relationship on the most extreme kind - I am white (Italian) he is Black, we have been together almost 12 years. For anyone to think that racism does not exist in this country is just kidding themselves, so yes Angie there will be struggles. I travel a ton for work. And Earl would always ask me: "Could we live there together." There are some parts of this country we could not and be a happy part of our community! Heck there are some parts we still couldn't drive together in a car! That is VERY real. We have a neighbor right now that has made it very clear that he "does not approve" and is doing some pretty passive aggressive crap. I still have people who when they finally meet Earl (and Angie some of them you  know and you would be SHOCKED to know who they are) stop communication with me. I have had others later say to me: "you didn't tell me he was black." What? When you introduce your boyfriend do you say: "Meet my white boyfriend."!

Why am I saying all of this, love has no color blah blah blah. Your daughter and her man are going to have to TALK about all of this, and agree as a united front how to deal with it. Where they live, comments and stares, children and where to raise them. If they are willing to communicate with each other and work through the reality of it it can work. If they don’t I am confident that the added stress on  a relationship will make it difficult – and there is already enough stress in making relationships work these days!

Oh, and children: well we agreed if we had them, we needed to raise them in a VERY DIVERSE place like San Francisco.

Ok, that’s my strong opinion on this!

Ann: I was always impressed with your insight, outspokenness, intelligence, honesty, and a myriad of other aspects of your personality. This post is more than awesome. While it's bothersome to me (from a distance) that some people react to your situation the way they do, I am even more impressed with your and your boyfriend's honest and in-depth look at your relationship and the world around you, and the courage it must take to withstand the difficulties you two needlessly endure. Personally I have no problem at all with interracial relationships no matter what the ethnic background. But I do know people who do, and I let them think as they will but it does not change my own mind nor do I stay quiet when an issue like this is brought up by these particular people. (I have a big mouth and am opinionated and cannot let things like that go without challenging them.) Honestly, I see the openness and the honesty in your relationship as more healthy than many same race relationships I've ever seen. I wish you only the best.

Thanks Marie for your kind words. Do not get me wrong, I love my man, and would not trade any of it if it meant not having him.

The best thing he has ever said to me: "I love you because you really understand me and what I go through."

The most painful: "Are you sure they should meet me? I'd hate for it to hurt your business."

I think Angie that is something that young interracial couples might not be prepared for.

Thanks Ann,   My partner and I go through similar situations... 

I thought it would be different here in the Bay however, I found out that racism is very much alive here too...  however,I don't let it stop me from going any where,  I can feel the hate energy and the facial expressions that could kill... 

I am always pleased to see other mixed couples weather they are w male & b female &/or b male & w female...  I feel a kinship, an acceptance, an understanding...   

We are relocating to Hawaii for a couple of years...  He has lived there before when he was with his white partner and their youngest son...   I don't think we can go anywhere really with out running into someone that will have a negitive reaction or thought...  SAD but true!!!

I am so glad we are finally going to have a President that has mixed blood...  and hopefully in the future we'll have Native American Indians up here there and finally they can be leaders of their own land again!!!

Onakoda yuha - peace be with you

Ann~

I agree.  Young people are so naive and they really see the world through rose colored glasses.  I'm so glad you (and others) have shared your feelings and EXPERIENCES.  You guys hang in there and if your love can withstand that type of stupidy, bigotry....it can probably withstand anything.

Be strong my Zena Warrior(ess)

I was in a interracial marriage for many years, and yes it was tuff at times because we would get the stares and comments made to us, but you have to learn to ignore people like that.  my husband used to say just smile and say hello because being kind gets to them more then making a nasty comment to them.  And yes it does work.  I was brought up by my father who always taught me to love a person for what they show you in there heart and not the color of their skin.  My husband was black I have 4 boys and my children have adapted very well in society because we have always taught them to be themselves and if people don't accept them oh well that is their problem.  I feel it is taught in the home if you teach your children to be predjudest then they will be that way, but if you teach them to accept others as thou they want to be accepted then they will be ok.  God put us all in this world together and if he did'nt mean for us to be together he would not have made it this way.  And on the good note I look at it as though my boys have the best of both worlds, and that both of there cultures have something to offer them.  And yes they can become successful like anyone else because my boys are very successful in the world today.  By the way I was raised in Arkansas so yes there is stillpeople down there who are predjustest but that is on them .  Everyone has a right to there own opioion and ways of life mine I choose to be with a black man, and if others did'nt like it oh well!  At times I did have trouble with some of my family but I told them it was thier loss not mine.  So on that note I have been very happy in a interracial relationship and my children are very happy and I thank God everyday for blessing me with my boys.....................God Bless You All!!!!