Excelle

I can speak from my own experience when I say this but you have to take care of YOU first before you can take care of the kids or anyone else.  I had sacrificed so much for my husband and kids that I am paying for it now.  My kids are grown and gone and living their own lives.  Right now, it is all me.  Before and after the divorce was final, I had to learn what were things I like to do?  Would I enjoy them again?  What were the things that help me calm down?  Do I do anything differently now?  Basically I had to take a self assessment to see what pleases me, what calms me, what angers me and what do I want to do with my life.  Now, I have a boyfriend that does so much for me to help me through the difficult times and I've learned that the world isn't going to end if I want that bubble bath or read a book or take a walk.  As you will see, your priorities will start to shift to put the focus on you first.  Even if it's for a few minutes a day.  Once you do, your kids will appreciate you more, respect you and love you all the more.  They are going to mature faster than usual because of the family situation and will appreciate any kind of support you can give them.  They, in turn, will give it back to you.  Thus creating a team.  One thing you can definitely do (no matter how hard it is) is never talk bad to the kids about their father.  He needs to do the same for you.  If he doesn't, you're the better person out of it all.

As for your husband, I can only say to take it one step at a time, one day at a time.  Your self assessment will even help you deal with the emotions of being separated while moving on into a new direction.  A part of me will always love my ex but due to his harsh treatment of me, he's lost all my respect. 

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers - you will succeed in moving on.  You will find the happiness you deserve.  I did and I did it by holding on to my faith.  Good luck and I hope this helps some.  Keep us posted!

Hi Kathi,ou

I am terribly sorry you are going through a painful time.  When I divorced my first husband, I turned to exercise to help me cope with all the emotions coursing through my veins.  It really helped me.  I walked, went to the gym daily, and ultimately turned to bike riding.  Once you get those endorphins going, you'll start to feel better over time. 

As for work, I checked your profile and saw that you had dental assisting experience.  There are still jobs in healthcare that can utilize your experience.  Actually on CNN the other day they were talking about healthcare industry growth despite these tough economic times.    With your clinical experience you can look at sales.  Try Henry Schein, Patterson, any company that does dental implant sales, colgate, crest, Discuss Dental, etc.  You can see if you can become a field sales consultant with any of these companies in your area.   Sales will be more profitable for you than dental assisting in the long run.  And in sales, you can almost set your own hours..to a point.

Also, check Craigs List for jobs in dental under healthcare.  Up in the SF Bay Area we have alot of listings and perhaps you'll find the same in yours.

Please let me know if you need any help.  I was in the dental field for 27 years.

I'm so sorry to hear about your separation. I was were you are 1 year ago. Three little kids, been a stay at home Mom for 3 years. (you think 3 years is not alot. its like a lifetime to some employers).

senderofcards is right: don't say negative things about their father.

you will get through, you will get stronger, you will survive. i thought i would never smile or be happy again. i smile and i am happy. its not easy, but with prayer and believing in myself and loving my kids, the one day at a time became easier.

god bless you and if you need to talk, cry, or need a hug, let me know.

my best to you and your children

rosalia