Excelle

i have been marrie for only 3 months but apparently my husband does not trust me even though i have been very faithful in all aspects. iam not sure if its becuse of  what went on in his previous marriage or what.

i just dont see myself taking the blows for somthing that happened in his past.

what do i do about this?

confused.

I too, have had some troubles recently with trust issues in a relationship and I can sympathise with your situation. I have ended my relationship, because without trust, respect and honesty, love is just not strong enough to keep a relationship going (in my opinion) also, he started behaving in a way that I could not tolerate. I realise though, that this is more difficult for you, as you are married and I am not.

Some people are just very insecure, I think. I guess it comes down to; are you able to accept this from your partner? how does he show the distrust (for example, aggressive behaviour is inexcusable)? is his jealousy completely irrational or are you doing something (maybe even unconsciously) to trigger it? do you think the two of you could work together to combat his fears of losing you to someone or something else?

Maybe his previous marriage started off this way?- sometimes distrust and jealousy can send someone into the arms of another (not that I'm saying that is a valid excuse for infidelity!).

I'm not suggesting that there is no hope because he doesn't trust you, actually far from it, BUT it does sound like it is going to and has already put some questions into your mind, in relation to what might be the outcome if this continues?

So, to any of my close friends, I would suggest;

Writing down your own feelings in regards to his feelings of distrust- what emotions are you experiencing? This can help when it comes to talking these matters over with him. If you share your fears and vulnerabilities with him, he may feel less vulnerable, which could lead to him feeling more secure about your level of commitment and love. However, ultimately he is the only person who holds the key to changing his own self-doubt. (If he can't learn to see that he is a worthwhile person, that you love and chose to marry because you want him and no-one else, then unfortunately that's out of your hands.)

And;

Counselling for a couple only three months into a marriage may sound terrible to some people, but if it helps sort out a problem that couldn't be sorted out otherwise, it may just be worthwhile.

I hope this is useful advice, good luck.

That is great advice Artemis13.  Thanks for helping her out because believe it or not, I don't have much to add to that. I think the counseling is a great idea, just as Rosalia said.  You want to nip this in the bud, otherwise, it will just get worse and then it will seem that nothing will help, not even counseling.  Don't let it get out of control.  Deal with it immediately.  There is still hope for your marriage, but you have got to deal with this right away.

Good luck and let us know if you need more opinions.

Take care,

~Angie

P.s. First try and work it out with him -- at least try. Then take it to the next level.

I will be honest.... I do not trust men anymore. I try to get around it I try putting it on the back burner when I try talking to them but at the end of the day when I'm alone I do not trust them. I'm 22 years old and my first serious relationship was in high school, my high school sweetheart and he took me thru, lied, cheated, etc..... So that made me first distrust men then ever since then men have done things to make me distrust them. I believe without trust there can be no relationship. I mean sure I believe the relationship will start off nice. It may even be great, the two might even fall in love and be marriage bound like I recently was. Then gradually the trust starts to play a factor. For me it started when he would do something as not answering his phone the first time I called. Then it just went down hill from that, and he wasn't exactly doing anything to make me feel more secure. I am a little hesitant to get back into the dating scene. I've been thinking about it but the fact that I do not trust men and my fear are what's pulling me back