Excelle

 I guess no one has had a cheating lover?

To the original poster:

I came to find out the hard way that if you feel he's cheating he probably is no matter how is acts towards you.  I was the same way with my fiance.  I believed everything he said without questions because he'd never given me a reason to doubt him yet I still felt that something wasn't right.  I found out by accidentally logging onto his email when I thought it was mine.  I as flipping through all of the loving chats we had sent to each other, smiling to myself about how much he loves me, when I came across an email of pictures of himself to another woman.  Some of the pictures had me cut out of them and he wrote to her the same things that he would say to me.  I took him back but I still don't trust him and it hurts like hell to think about what a fool he made of me.

I didn't want to believe it, but it was true.  I fell for all of his excuses ("business trips" that extended over the weekend, taking clients out, etc).  The devout Catholic family man I "thought" I married turned out to be a lying, cheating, thief!  He cashed in over half the inheritence I received from my mother's estate, cashed in our children's savings bonds, and lied to his entire family to their faces (including his mother)and coworkers.  He is now married to the person he was seeing when he left us and puts her above even his own children.  Our younger son is not even welcome at his house because he will not accept "her" as family.  I should have seen the signs:  all the trips, all the expenses on the Visa (this is what finally proved it) for flowers, dinners, etc., new clothes (including hundreds just on underwear), teeth whitening, tanning, always "running"...much more.  My friends saw it, but I just couldn't accept it.

Anonymous says ...

Ok, Ladies. My husband is the only one I have ever been in a relationship with. I do not think he would ever cheat on me. However sometimes I question my self of how would I know? I mean I believe every word he tells me with out any questions. Some times though I wonder if I would be able to tell. He has past relationships and I don't.. Has anyone had a cheating lover and if so how did you know?

I have been in a relationship who turned out to be a cheater.. mind you, relationship, not marriage. And the way I figured it out was that his behavior had changed. He was always on the phone with "his family" he would "work" later at nights or have to "go into the office" on the weekends. My calls would go to voice mail more often- or his phone would be turned off completely. There were less times I was invited to meet him at happy hour with his coworkers (I wouldn't pick up that they were not busy and overworked if I wasn't chatting with coworkers). It was just small behavior changes that added up. Mind you, there are always going to be busy times at the office, later nights, weekends, entertaining clients... but I trusted my gut feeling. I just knew something was off. And sure enough, he was cheating so I ended the relationship.

I am not an overly suspicious person- but I am not blindly trusting either. And I have never felt the need to always be in a relationship- I was perfectly happy when I was on my own. A relationship enhanced my life. Just because you may THINK he would never cheat on you, he might. Likewise, just if he had cheated in past relationships does not mean he will cheat in this one.

Look at his other relationships or how he handles himself in other situations. (Business, with family, friends, coworkers, neighbors.. other social situations) Did his father cheat on his mother? Have any siblings or close friends cheated on their partners? How has he reacted? Does he try and skimp out on splitting the check when at dinner with other couples? Is he always looking to maneuver things for his benefit with little regard to how it affects others? Does he lie.. even about little, insignificant things? Does he have a reason, an explanation, or a justification for anything you question him about? Does he turn your questions back around at you-- accusing you of snooping, or of not trusting him? Or does he not answer questions at all.. brushing them off as if they do not need to be answered? Do you go out less often or do fewer things together.. or with other people? Do you feel he takes advantage of you.. your trusting nature, your personal time, your professional expertise, anything?

Honestly, if you are happy with your partner then don't worry about if he "may or may not" be cheating.

Deep down, if he is cheating, you will know.  Trust your gut. 

I dated a man who cheated on me with the same woman over and over, until I ended it with him.  Each time, he would start to treat me differently.  It wasn't hard to tell, because he would start to call me names, disappear for hours and get caught in lies.  All of a sudden, he would act as if everything I did was wrong.  Not that all men do that, but if he's your man, you know if he can truly "mulit-task".  Many men have trouble giving focusing on mulitple tasks, so he will stop doing things that he has done with you before.  Less time being spent together, less hugs, less kisses, etc.