Excelle

 There are so many variables in any relationship, and all relationships have bumpy spots in the road.  A control freak spouse is so much more than a "bump", it is more like a bottomless chasm, with shards of glass along the way down. The more you try to "be good" and keep the peace, the more you are enabling that person, you give them even more power over you. No one deserves that type of life, where they are walking on eggshells all the time. What has been described here as a controlling mate is nothing more than emotional abuse, with a touch of emotional blackmail tossed in. The physical abuse has already begun, with a twisted arm, or being held tightly to control you. The scarier part still is, when does he start on the child? We have all known someone that has been in this situation, and most of us have seen the "control" escalate to the children.  Simple point of fact, you cannot change someones basic nature/personality. It is no different than an addict that needs help. They are the one that needs to want the help, to change their behaviors. Most abusers were raised in some form of abusive home, it is the only way of life they have known. That is not to say that all people raised in abusive homes become abusers themselves of course. Sad to say there are some genetics involved as well. Please, if you are in this situation,,, get out. Find someone somewhere that can help you, there is help out there. Keep yourself and your children safe.

All of my relationships with men have been with controlling men. First, you need counseling and to read this really good book that has homework in it. It is called "Women who love too much: And the men who hate them".

Controlling people can become violent, so be careful.

After 5 years of individual counseling, and reading that book several times, my current marriage of 9 years is much more tolerable. Mu husband still ended up being controlling about 4 years ago. But I think I gave him some of that control on accident. We teach people what we are willing to put up with. He does not isolate me, but he gives me emotional turmoil over freinds and family contact. My cell phone is my leash and I dont dare ignore it or I will have 20 calls to all 3 phones asking where I am, LOL. But this is tolerable to me after what I have been through previously.

Do not settle for less unless settling will make you happy. In order to stay together you and him both need individual counseling and maybe couples counseling. My husband and I just started these sessions ourselves, as I was to the point of leaving last year.

Good luck and stay safe!