Excelle

I'm so terribly sorry to hear this has happened in your life.  It's not comforting but many many women have been where you're at and where you're at now.

First off if you feel your oldest brother would be a threat to your daughter(s) do not put them in a situation he could take advantage of.

Secondly, as my son the psychologist says, "If you've forgiven then you should forget".  Unfortunately I don't feel the same I think you can forgive but not forget for several reasons.  It is possible to let go and just accept it as a part of life and move on.  There will be reminders but you need to just think of them for a moment and know you're not there now so what happened can only hurt you now if you continue to let it.  Worse thing any of us can do is dwell on something we can't change.  You can't change what happened.  And ask yourself if you had an answer of why he did it, what will that do for your healing?  Would a reason make you feel better? Would a reason make you forget?  Or is it you just want him to knowledge what he did and for your mother to hear it from him?  Will any of these make you feel better?  Will you decide now you can let it go?

Unfortunately some men do not feel the same about a woman being raped or molested as the woman feels about it.  To some men women are a commodity to use, abuse and then use as refuse.  You feel betrayed especially by someone as close as a brother but you can be thankful he was the only one who did this.

As to your mother, she knows it's probably too hard for her to face the truth and lose both of you.  Most likely her acting this way makes me feel the same thing might have happened to her.  You have to remember the times back then, a lot of male relatives did this to their female relatives and other female relatives took it in stride some even aided the abuser, it was the way it was.

Your kids need you, so you need to work out a way to release this from your life because it will always affect your life if you let it and your girls.  I will say this YOU ARE THE AUTHOR of your life.  Only you can make it what you want it to be.  Only you can get over this because someone telling you to get over it, or trying to help you get over it,  is not going to do it.  Only you can come to the self-realization that you need to heal emotionally, mentally, and physically and until you realize you need to let it go nothing anyone else says will really matter. 

I will keep you in my prayers

I'll leave you with this, you had one brother to abuse you, I had 4 cousins and an uncle plus a Mother who was worse that any mother could be.

Vanessa

You're welcome and I'm here, if you want to talk or share more my profile name is LOVEABLKWN.  Take care of yourself for your children and may God bless you all.

Vanessa

Thats just the thing she don't want that she can care less about the other 3 children. She only care for the oldest. Her and my oldest talks all the time. She never ask to speak to them or ask about them. Now is that someone you would want around your children? I have tried several times to be the bigger person and try to make mends but theirs just no getting through to my mother. Sence I can remember it has always been about my four brothers. And I am her only daughter. She was never a mother to me sorry to say. But outa all her five kids I was the only one that was their for her. My brothers was never around when times was hard for her. I gave up alot just to be close to her and my father to help them out and this is what I get in return like I'm the bad one. I know I have a lot of anger far as my family. But I also have alot going on in my life far as domestic violence and I been talking to God everyday to help get me through this time in my life. I wanna just let it go and move on and at one time I did. But my oldest is going through so much rite now because of what my mother has put use all through over the years. I am so trying to be strong for us all but it don't seem to get better.

I too was molested by a family member.  My mother said that she didn't believe me for a number of years and that hurt me but I kept quiet and talked to those who would understand.  Eventually my mother admitted that she believed me.  To be honest with you I feel in my heart that she knew all along but felt guilty because she couldn't now do anything about it as my mother isn't (hasn't been for 30 years) married to that man anymore.  You mother must be in a "deeper denial" as that boy is her son and she is close to him.  You sound like you want him to confess but I don't know if that will actually help you.   We must not feel guilt or shame.  Please,  you need to know that, 1)  you did NOTHING to attract your brother or "TURN" him on.  You were 11 years old  #2)  When he violated you,  those acts were acts of Violence and Control/Power on his behalf  and were NOT actually about the "sex" itself.  3)  I might believe someone had done the same to him...........  think about that...... write another letter suggesting that you are free of his control and that maybe he needs to free himself from his perportraitor.....  maybe an uncle, brother?? 4) Jesus said to forgive not to forget.  He also said to not cast your pearls before swine.......so if they wish not to hear you then you shouldn't continue to tell them.  5) One of your "pearls" is YOUR daughter......  please understand that many people who pass down this violent position sexually are not able to "get better" or be "rehabilitated"....  a few do with lots of  self introspection, belief,  pain, care and counseling..  a handful...perhaps.  He will most likely pass this down to your daughter if given the opportunity.

       I got a restraining order or "protective order" for my children against this man.  Teach your daughters everything you know about this type of person that commits these acts.  Tell her about your brother and all that happened to you!   Prepare them about what to "expect" from this person.... ie: no one will believe you!  Tell her that you would believe her if she came to you for help.  Teach her that if your not around to tell everyone..... teachers, friends, other parents,  

 I sued him in court, and would have filed charges on him but the statute of limitations was exceeded (been over 25 years).  Eventually your mother will understand the truth (that is if there isn't a reason why she wouldn't)  if you make progress for YOURSELF with or without her belief.  You have Gods belief and your brother knows because he still carries the problem in his gut.  Hopefully he isn't raping another young girl right now.  Does he have a young daughter, niece, etc?

Your doing so good!  I believe you, and think your a great and special person! 

It's unfortunate that you were raped especially by a family member, but that is the reality in the world today. I was malested my self as a child by both a girl and a guy in different occasions but I was afraid to tell annyone because I was ashamed instead I would say that that person hit me. Since I have a kid now I am very scared for him and I don't like anyone watching him except someone I feel like I know very well.

This is the reason why it is very important that we teach kids at a young age what is proper and touching and explain to them to tell you if some one touches their private parts and that you wont get mad with them if some one did! I think people especially older man or women that rape kids should get the electric chair!!!