Excelle

Hi everyone. I am here only because I am concerned about a friend of mine and I feel like that I shouldn't try to talk any sense into her because I know that she wouldn't believe me and people just have to learn the hard way. She met this guy online about 2 months ago and he's from Canada and she is from Texas. And I have tried to give this guy the benefit of the doubt but there's too many red flags. She is so desperate to find her a man that she takes what she can get and I am not about to try and tell her what to do, only be supportive even if I do think the guy is a loser. Even she's had doubts herself, he was controlling her a lot. Not wanting to go to the lake, or get in a pool and she wasn't even with her family on the 4th of July. He is very jealous, she has to delete photo comments from guys on her Myspace so her boyfriend won't see them. It's just really strange.

She has told me a few things about him and I have seen his Myspace profile and it's very very very vague. He only has one photo of him with a girl cropped out and it has to be more than 5 yrs old. His Facebook is completely the same. The same photo, and just that one. At first I asked her if she was sure this guy even was real and she said yes and he is very real. But he has nothing about his life on Myspace and as for the photos, no photos of his family, his life in Canada. It's like he doesn't even have a life.

He was in a relationship with a woman before my friend, this girl was a lot younger than he is. He was around the age of 28 years old and his ex was 19. She and the guy moved in together only a few months after they got together. And I saw her Windows Live Space and read the blogs and saw tons of photos of him and her together. The blogs I read really got my attention, apparently no one liked him and thought that this girl was making a big mistake, she also went through a lot of anxiety and hospital visits. I am not sure if the guy was the cause of this but I do know that a lot of controlling men do bring a lot of stress to women. My aunt went through it and it was terrible. And I've seen so many other females deal with it. And this guy caused a lot of problems it seems between his ex and her father cause they weren't speaking to each other for a while. The girls' blogs were interested, she talked about how she loved him and how she couldn't wait to spend the rest of her life with him. I also found out that he was keeping his myspace account from her for at least a year, which was a big red flag. The weirdest part is, his ex is no longer using the internet and I am only assuming that they broke up but because of him acting so weird and all to my friend, it makes me wonder if he and this girl really did break up and that is why he is so vague about the internet. I thought maybe he could have not allowed her to use the internet cause I had another friend who's boyfriend pulled the same thing but yet, he used the internet to talk to women in all places.

This guy went to Texas to meet my friend, she said that it went really well and of course, she slept with him and they are in love with each other and it's only been two months. But I just keep my mouth shut and tell her to just be careful. And I told her that I wanted to see photos of them and she said she probably wasn't gonna post them. She said she might later. I didn't ask questions. The two I did see, one she wasn't showing his face and then other one I could see some of his face but not all. It wasn't a real shot of him. It's just really weird with them two but I don't ask questions cause it's her life. But she told me that he was planning to go and see her again in Oct. I don't know if he met her family or not, I didn't ask because I had to get offline. I just don't want to pry even if she is a good friend, I know what I say may go in her ear and out the other.

Sorry for the long post, but I came here to see what you all may think about this. I get a bad feeling about him cause he seems so strange and vague. I am just concerned for her but at the same time, it's her life.

KristaJGizzo says ...

 If your concerned tell her. And make sure you explain why you are concerned the same way you did on this page.  After that its all up to her.

I agree.

I agree with everyone else.  Tell your friend how you feel.  You can't make her do anything, it's all up to her.  Just be there to support you should she need you!.

Well, it's pointless to talk to her now because he has her so convinced he's a great guy and she's going to Canada in October to visit him for a week. I told her that she barely knew him and it had been 2 months and she hasn't only been around him for 5 days and the whole time he was clinged to her. He didn't meet any of her friends, and don't think he even met all of her family...he might have met her mom and bro...not sure. And when he got back, he said it was a weekend, he wouldn't soon or ever forget. She thinks that he's gonna move there and despite of what he's told her, I don't think he wants to. I have this feeling he's gonna have her to stay in Canada for 6 months if not longer, forget how long people from the US can stay in Canada, and I am not sure how she would be able to work, especially if she didn't have a car. But I just have all ideas that he has his own plans and thinks he can convince her and that it's for "love." Since he's been back home, he keeps whining about how long he has to wait to see her again. He didn't say what a good time he had and how he enjoyed the city, it's about her her her. And I told her she needed to be super careful with this and she just don't seem to get it. She said that he's really good to her and this and that, and she's never been so happy in her life.

I saw photos of him, new ones, she posted 4 on her Myspace and the guy doesn't look half  bad. There must be something else wrong with him because his looks wouldn't scare a girl away. He dresses really nicely and looks pretty good so if it's not his looks then it's obviously his track record with women. I guess that's why he dated  younger women before, cause they are easy to control and push around. And she said that he doesn't control her anymore and that he probably won't again. Men like that do not change over night. This is still the "honeymoon phase" and she laughed and said that I was just worrying over nothing, so it's whatever.

This guy seems quiet and just really vague. They took all these pictures but he still refuses to put a new one of himself, it's still the same old one he's had up for at least 3 years. I believe that he is hiding something, and I honestly believe that he probably has a really bad rep and he knows what he's done to women. But there's no talking to her so she will just have to learn and she's really dumb for going all the way to another country, I know she's my friend but still, it's true. So, I guess love has just blinded her...again.

I have talked to her, her mom thinks it's fishy but he has her convinced that he isn't none of the things. You can't tell her anything at all. It's obvious she is miserable because she was snooping around at her ex boyfriends' page and his girlfriends page and was looking for him on Facebook and wanted to add him, knowing that her recent boyfriend would probably be pissed. I told her to stop playing these kinds of games with her ex. I don't think her boyfriend is giving her much attention, all I know is that I did my part and she refuses to end things with him because she has herself convinced that it will work out and they will live happily ever after.

Well, as I said, her mom has even talked to her and it's just not enough. This guy is so abnormal and unstable but she thinks he is perfect. So, if she gets her heart broken then maybe next time she will listen, which I doubt.

Yeah, I believe deep down she knows that she isn't 100% happy but she puts up fronts, I've seen her do this plenty of times before. The only thing she will do to herself if this guy breaks her heart is drink more.

Thanks, I wish it was the simple. If you only knew her, then you would see how hard it is to talk to her. I told her at the beginning that Canada was a little too far to have a relationship with someone. Everything about him is shady. The list would be much too long for me to post, but she is committed to him and she isn't interested in finding anyone else. It's like she thinks that he's the last one left, she stays home cause of him...he doesn't want her going out and I know he would be mad at me if he knew I talked to her into going out to a clue or somewhere there were guys, but that would be his problem. Not gonna make things worse though, as for her introducing him to her family...I doubt it. I doubt he has no plans of coming back here to see her, I honestly believe if he does still want to be with her...that his plans are for her to move there. I believe once she sees that he's not gonna move for her, that's when there will be a problem and she knows that it's a little of a hassle just for someone from Canada to move here to the states. She is really, really stubborn...you have no idea!