Excelle

An abridged version of this blog entry written by Ann Daly landed in Excelle's articles sent out to all of us last week: http://www.anndaly.com/blog/2009/10/top-10-uwritten-rules-that-could-sabotage-your-career.html

In case you don't have the time to read the entire post for purposes of this discussion, here's a salient outtake with the "10 rules" list she provides:

"...She goes on to talk about how this patriarchal culture manifests itself in the workplace, often in the most inconspicuous ways.

To that end, she put together a list of ten rules that apply to women in the workplace, whether or not they know it, like it, or deserve it (um, of course we don’t).

1. Men get the benefit of the doubt

2. Looks matter

3. You won’t get sufficient feedback

4. A working mother’s commitment is assumed to be ambivalent

5. Actually, it is personal

6. Men are bred for self-confidence

7. Women are rendered invisible until they demonstrate otherwise

8. Women don’t take charge, they take care

9. Women are different

10. Women make great worker-bees, but visionary leaders—not so much."

Beyond the fact that the sooner women in positions at any level of power build our own support network, the sooner this still rampant sexism will dissipate (the sooner we stop seeing each other as "the competition" in a destructive, dare I say "catty" way, which we too often do...)  - the larger issue of our self-image - how much of this we do to ourselves - remains undiscussed here.

Those of you who have not yet gotten a copy of my article "Why Women Need to be More Like Men" please do so, because I cover this issue in it.  The list above speaks greater volumes about us and how we are handling/responding to these slights than it does the fact the men still do it.  They do it because we let them get away with it.

This issue as presented by Dr. Daly is real - that it is within our control to change it is what's missing.  What's most worrisome about the list above is not that men still subscribe to it....but that we do.  To me, this list is a call to action to us - as follows:

1. Men get the benefit of the doubt: 

          and we must insist on it as well...

2. Looks matter:

          in fact they do for us, too...looksism is rampant in our society and we perpetuate it as much as men do, sometimes more...

3. You won’t get sufficient feedback:

          then you must request it...consistently and professionally...men get it because they expect it & aren't afraid to ask for it...

4. A working mother’s commitment is assumed to be ambivalent:

          this is now happening with working single fathers as well - so it's less a gender than a parenting issue & must be responded to professionally but confidently....

5. Actually, it is personal:

          actually, often it isn't be we make it so...and when it is, it's our job to take it out of the personal & back into the professional...and by the way, women do this to each other just as often as men do it "to us"...

6. Men are bred for self-confidence:

          so we must boost our own, and now....

7. Women are rendered invisible until they demonstrate otherwise:

          this is the same for men, in fact... those who render themselves invisible, will be - it is up to us, then, to demonstrate otherwise..

8. Women don’t take charge, they take care:

          in fact, true leadership is doing both well...learning how to do that makes all the difference (thus my group coaching program "Leadership Development for Women Only") - to make it professionally, we need not sacrifice one for the other...and many women in power have done just that...

9. Women are different:

          yes we are, and it's up to us to make that a good thing....

10. Women make great worker-bees, but visionary leaders—not so much:

          this is the most important indicator of our self-image vs. that of us by men - we continue to see ourselves this way, ignore or down-play our own visionary capacities, and thus don't follow/promote them..

The "old girl's network" group here in Excelle is all about pulling together to put a dent in sexism and can be much better utilized by all of us toward that goal. 

It is but one piece, though.  Until we change the way we see ourselves, all of which is displayed in the list above, we cannot expect men to change their image of us - it simply won't happen.