Excelle

You are not the first nor the last to have let your emotions show a little too strongly. I am sure you are one of the only people who is still thinking about the situation. I guess my first question would be -- how did you deal with the situation at the time? Did you excuse yourself, explain that things outside of the professional arena were the reason why you were so upset?

I think the 2nd poster said it best: You're probably the only one still thinking about this.

I take it, too, that you've never cried in public/at work before. So this is probably why it's so shocking. Relax.

I think we all hit our own stumbling blocks, yet we rise, dust ourselves off and search for ideas, actions to empower our walk with grace in the work environment that brings respect.

Try wearing a different pair of sunglasses and take a second look at the situation, i.e. a hidden friend’s point of view. With an open mind learn to see what appears to have taken place; a ‘normal’ or perhaps ‘typical’ reaction to a stressor that traditionally would not have evoked an emotional response from you.

Skip the judgment phase and find the stairway leading back to where you stepped off. At this point it is important to take a step back, find solid footing and work on what needs to be accomplished right here-right now at work.

When you or your boss gauge performance capacity realize your work activity, day in and day out, sets the parameters that define success. So re-vamp, re-work and streamline the qualities that bring you success, i.e. stay focused, complete tasks without assigning emotional value and all work decisions are based on fact and nothing else.

When you experience an emotional trigger in your work day, take a time out, walk away and ask yourself “What do I need to accomplish today and what do I need to do to get there?” Return, implement your decision, focus and you will find a more relaxed work posture; this ‘new demeanor’ allows the free exchange of respect with co-workers.

I’ve seen excellent results when an emotional display is given a 24 hour quiet period before it is addressed with management. Meaning complete your step back, become your own quiet advocate and keep your response to a minimum, nothing more then 2-3 minutes. Your response should address only the positive acts/action that will be taken and not an emotion or explaination of the emotions involved in the break.

You will do just fine.

Anonymous says ...

Fortunately this is the one thing women can still get away with in the office that men can't...

I don't know that I'm proud of this statement. I would hope we'd be just as accepting of a man showing emotion, even if it's in a slightly awkward situation like the one described above by the original poster.

It doesn't make you any less professional...it makes you human. One of the problematic realities with dependable, high achieving professionals is that others may look upon us as "perfect and having no flaws" and the result for the professional who "buys in" to this is the potential to deny your own humanity. Having a "game-face" on 24/7 is doesn't make you more professional it dehumanizes you.  

I hope that encourages you to do as someone already suggest, "carry on." After all, you didn't get to where you are with just your gifts and talents alone--someone connected with your humanity too!

 Like an earlier poster said, it shows your human.  Everyone in that room was either a woman themselves or knows at least one woman and know that we can at times be emotional creatures. 

I work in a high stress and very fast-paced environment - not to mention the fact that many here are unproffessional to say the least. I'd been here over 6mos when I broke down. And I SSSOOO didn't want to bc so many ppl think we use that to our advantage, but I'm not like that - sometimes I just can't help it and in all the years I've worked I've only cried once before this (and that was when I was in High School). I have the rudest couple of supervisors to deal with who'd stop at nothing (verbally anyway) to prove their points, but I also had some MAJOR marital problems that were pretty much an ongoing thing in my life at the time. I had a hard time dealing w/ the yelling, cussing, back stabbing, gossip, the pushing others down when they were trying to take initiative and so on. Eventually I broke down one day - and for everyone else it was obvious why (because of the work environment) but no one knew what I was dealing w/ at home. I finally told the GM and my Mgr that my marriage was on borderline divorce terms because of my husbands Alcoholism (we are seperated now). This (and the fact that I talked to the GM about the unprofessionalism coming from my supervisors) shed some light on my emotional state - my mgr and the owner (main instigators here) weren't so quik to lay into me - or others - so hard. People have alot more understanding and consideration when they know you've got personal issues. Besides, what man hasn't angrily blown up at someone bc he's had a bad day?? Our emotions get the better of ALL of us from time to time, male or female!

This actually happened to me yesterday, during a meeting with my bosses.  We were discussing issues between us and my emotions just went haywire.  Now...it is an emotional time for me personally, my brother passed away 3 years ago and his birthday is next week, add to that, my man's father was just diagnosed with cancer last week.  So, needless to say, I'm strung a little tight.  It got the better of me yesterday.  That has never happened before, in fact I am usually quite solid at work.

I apologized and quickly explained that the emotions were not work related and to excuse my tears please.  We continued the meeting with kleenex and agreed to move forward from there.

All I can do at this point is continue on with regained composure and work hard.  I don't think you lose credibility if you don't dwell on it and try not to let it happen again.

This happened to me today. Well, I didn't actually cry but I was fighting as hard as I could not to, and it was obvious from my faltering voice. It was during a meeting with my boss and my project manager. I've been with the company for three years and this is the third incident. The first time was during my first year and was similar to this instance, where I didn't actually cry, but it was obvious to my boss that I was about to - but I left the situation to regain my strength. The second time was about two months ago where I completely broke down and really cried. It wasn't work related and I explained this to my boss and he was just concerned about me and supportive, so I felt ok about it. But now today I had this incident and I'm feeling awful about it and am starting to feel worried that it's going to get me in trouble. I simply stated "the reason i'm bothered by this is because..." and i spoke calmly and logically and was cooperative and (i think) positive in the conversation. But still, as i said,  I was close to tears and it was obvious. I'm just very worried about this now, so any thoughts on this would be appreciated.

Hi

I come across you site today, as I feel really embarrassed that I cried at work the other day. The reason was becasue one employee and myself have had a total personality clash and she has taken a few comments the wrong way. She sent me an email to tell me to butt out of conversations...stop asking me questions, only talk to me if it is work related, dont look at me, and ask what time she is leaving etc....I have shown my manager and told her that because we are on the same team, i just want to be friends with her, just bond with her. she sits opposite me, im bound to look around, everyone does it in the office. Since her email i feel I have been pushed out of the group as when she is talking and the others join in, then I can't becuase I have been told to butt out etc. 

However, the other day, when all the managers were out...she became very bossy and talked to me for the first time telling me to do her work....shes never done that before and i felt pressuried to do it. I told her if i get my work done Ill do hers, even though I was baffled at why she gave it to me. Once the other employee went to lunch, she got up to talk to me, as she couldnt take the fact that I might not do her work if I don't get time. she kept on asking me the same question over and over again....'what exactly have you got to today?' I said to ehr why do you keep asking em the same question and she flipped and said 'as you can see the boss is not her and I can ask you 6,7 times If i want to'...and 'give you as much work as I want to'....really abusively. I was already feeling alone on the desk carried on with 'i have helped you in the past and you really do think you are up there libby, you have so much attitude'. I did not show any attitude, raise my voice, I just didnt say anything back to her...and she reduced me to tears. I have told my boss about everything. Hopefully she will get sorted out as as she was in no poisition to give her work to me, or shout at me.

She was bullied before apparantley, and I really do belive she was picking on me. What I am feeling now is that I have cried on two occasions when she has shouted at me. I feel all angry in the fact that why did I cry. I look weak and she is looking all confident....and I don't want her to win....??? Need advice!!?? 

My heart goes out to you because it seems that you're the victim of the worst type of workplace bully. Unfortunately, you aren't alone. Bullying in the workplace is rising at a rapid rate.

The first thing I would say is for you to take a deep breath, step back and don't beat yourself up for crying. It was probably a combination of frustration and anger. The issue you must focus on now is where do you go from here? There are several things in your post which raise red flags for me:

- You've told your boss about this person, shown them the email and no action has been taken. Any good manager will immediately take some action when a complaint like this is brought forward. At the very least, they should acknowledge that it is unprofessional behavior. I recommend that you document your conversation with your boss by sending her/him an email summarizing the issue and your reason for bringing this situation to their attention. It's obvioulsy impacting your work environment. Perhaps they didn't take you seriously or thought it was a minor incident. I made some suggestions to help managers deal with these issues in a blog post here: http://www.careershock.com/create-a-release-valve-for-desk-rage/ . This article on About.com has some good info as well: http://careerplanning.about.com/od/bosscoworkers/a/bullies_at_work.htm

- The bully has become emboldened by the fact that no action has been taken and has escalated to attempting to force you to do her work. I notice that she waited until there were no managers around and the other employee was at lunch. This way she can deny that anything happened. She is also trying to isolate you from the other workers by forbidding you to participate in conversations. You don't mention if this person has some kind of seniority or official leadership responsibility over you. If she is not in a leadership position, she has no authority to give you work or to forbid you to speak up in conversation.  Again, this is something I would bring to your manager's attention.

- Finally, I would caution you on your desire to be friends with this person. You have every right to expect your co-workers to be cordial and professional  in the work place but some of them will never be your friend and in fact aren't the type of person you want as a friend.

Let me know how you make out either here on the forum or send me a personal message on Excelle. I'm Linda Griffin, my nickname is LindaG

Anonymous says ...

Hi

I come across you site today, as I feel really embarrassed that I cried at work the other day. The reason was becasue one employee and myself have had a total personality clash and she has taken a few comments the wrong way. She sent me an email to tell me to butt out of conversations...stop asking me questions, only talk to me if it is work related, dont look at me, and ask what time she is leaving etc....

Anonymous says ...

Hi, everyone: I'm the original poster.

To answer some of your questions - how did I deal with it at the time? I just excused myself and said, "I've been having a bad day at home." and kept on talking. I didn't know how else to deal with it. Could I have said something better? Maybe. Probably. I jsut wanted to make it clear that this wasn't because I couldn't deal with the professional side, it was just that my personal side has infiltrated my career persona. Which it shouldn't.

I just feel so unprofessional. No one has said anything to me about it again. A few curious glances and smiles, but that's it.

 

I would of blamed it on allergies or an eye lash

Whew!! You were able to get the tears out. Believe me, after the embarassed feeling, you will feel so much stronger. Tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow you will be a new person. Tears are like rain. They bring about a newness, a cleansing that is needed. Remember, your boss and co-workers are human, too. I don't know whether or not some were men. If so, relax, they cry, too.

I have a comedic spirit about me. Therefore, I would probably go into work the next day and say, "Who turned that faucet on yesterday?" I called the water company and had them disconnect for now until we can find the leak!"

Blessings,

I have had days throught out my life, when things did go right and stopped and cried in front of boss and other co-workers! And you know what, it really felt good at the time! It sort of take some of the stress out of you at the time! I can even cry when I'm feeling great at home out of no where, still do not know why?

I'm a man and but I always felt more of an woman inside than a man, I relate well to woman that I see and work with. I can hold conservation with a woman and can talk probably as much as woman talks! I remember growing up being closer to my mom, than my dad. I was the oldest of 6 kids, the next sibling was a girl and we shared a room for the first 9 years or so! We played together both ways, I would play with her and her toys and she would play with me and my toys as well! The next 3 are boys and I have had a hard time growing up and relating with them, they were more physical than I was and we never totally got into the same things! I had better relations with girls in school and played jump rope and played girls games during recess. It just felt normal! One thing some of my girl friends wished we could do is go to the restroom together, because of the external sex thing, there female and I'm male. But there was a couple of girls that were in library club in high school, we worked after school for about an hour, we would go into the restroom together and peed together after and talked!